Cancer Should Get Cancer

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Edd's P.O.V (point of view)

I got to the kitchen, seeing the fridge of their house randomly open. I went over there and reached my hand to the top of the shelf of the fridge for a Sprite can, but then... A random white vortex ejected a hand. It grabbed me and I muttered 'Woah, now I'm going this way--'

It pulled me over to the other side of the.... Fridge. What I first saw was a place covered with a perfect blanket of thick snow, the endless metacognitioned place reflected the nebula blue sky so that it resembled a petrified ocean on which no boat sailed.  Forests of fir and birch froze as silver as an old guy's beard.

I am......... VERY confused.

"EDD YOU GOTTA HELP US THERE'S A DINOSAUR THAT'S NAMED 'CANCER' AND IT PROBABLY WANTS TO EAT AND KILL US AND I'M TOO PRETTY TO DIE!!" Matt quickly shouted.

"Matt! You're here.... And that's the other Tord??" I pointed out to the Tord behind him. He waved.

"Yep. And we also found the portal you were looking for." Ww! Tord smiled.

"Ah, cool! Thank you-- OH SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI" I shrieked. The two of them looked behind them to see the dinosaur hitting an... Egg? But then the egg screamed and rotted to a pulp.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Matt and Ww! Tord screeched.

"*cries* S-So..... If that dinosaur touches you, you'll rot?!" Matt squawked.

"Hmmmm...... Actually, since it's named 'Cancer', that must mean us humans will get Cancer. But since it's food, it'll easily rot from the Cancer very early." Ww! Tord wondered.

"Huh. You're pretty smart compared to our Matt over here." I used my thumb to point to Matt. He yelled a "HEY!"

"We might die if it touches us, seeing how it formed with a bunch of lightning. Well... Maybe, maybe not... Or, uh. S-so the lightning might be inside of it's body, ejecting it to the Cancer it has. So if we touch it or if it touches us, we'll get extremely hurt. And it's tail might be strong enough to actually wound us." Ww! Tord informed.

"Woah, okay... But still. Be very careful fighting it. I'll distract it while you guys get it from behind. But wait-- How will you fight without even touching it anyway?" I questioned.

"We can use our forks!" Ww! Tord brought out 2 forks.

"YEAH! WE'LL BE CAREFUL! GOOD LUCK, EDD!" Matt ran with Ww! Tord.

"Wait-- Agh. Not so fast." I mumble.

I go over to the dinosaur, standing front in center of him. The dinosaur roars at me, and I keep telling him bad puns.

"Hey, y'know. I hate insect puns. They BUG me." I say. The dinosaur stares. I keep the puns at him.

"I changed my iPhone's name into the Titanic. It's SYNCING now."

"How exactly am I suppose to get my EDDUCATION?"

"A bike can't stand alone. Because it's TWO-TIRED."

"If a clock gets hungry, it comes back FOUR SECONDS."

"Jumping off a Paris bridge, makes you IN-SEINE."

The dinosaur roars even louder, getting irritated. And charge. Matt and Ww! Tord came from behind the dinosaur, jumped and threw up their forearms like schizo. They stabbed the back of the dinosaur with their forks. But of course,

It didn't work at all. The dinosaur shakes it's body, forcing Matt and Ww! Tord to fall and release their hands from the forks that were attached to the dinosaur's hind. They both hit the dinosaur's tail.

I jolted up, freaking out inside. They just got hit, so that means........ They get Cancer?!

As they fall to the ground, I ran up to them. They were certainly freaking out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHASDFGHJKL;" Ww! Tord spoke babbles.

"OH MY GOD EDD I SAID I WAS TOO PRETTY TO DIE AND NOW I'M GONNA DIE AND TORD COULD NEVER RETURN TO MY BODY AND I'M NOT GONNA RETURN EITHER AND I'M GONNA DIE AND I CAN'T LIVE IN HEAVEN WITHOUT MY NOVELTY TOY COLLECTION AND I'M GONNA DIE AND TOM WILL BE LONELY AND I CAN NEVER PLAY THE HEARING TEST WITH TORD ANYMORE AND I CAN'T SEE MYSELF IN MIRRORS ANYMORE BESIDES YOU IN MY BODY AND I'LL DIE AND TORD WILL BE MAD AND THERE'S NO CURE FOR CANCER AND DID I MENTION THAT I WAS GONNA DIE?!" Matt squirmed.

"MATT! You won't die. You do have a wound.... But do you feel a strange lightning that hit you in your body?" I asked.

"Um...... No?" Matt responded.

"Ah... So if we touch it... Nothing will happen. But if it touches us, something will happen." Ww! Tord remarked.

"Understandable." I reply.

Suddenly, the dinosaur raises it's tail up. I growls and we scream in terror. It was as if a gray and furry creature let out an agonized yelp. That was the sound we made.

Ww! Tord managed to get away at the last second, but Matt tripped and fell. He kept screaming. I shrieked from the left side of him.

But unconsciously, I dashed all the way to him and moved him aside. With worry, I looked over at the final, last second to see and make sure he was over to the right, where the tail of the dinosaur wasn't there. But it wasn't there. It was over here. It's tail hit me, and it's Cancer shocked me. I could feel it's Cancer flowing through my veins and blood.

I collapsed on the snowy, icy ground. Matt and Ww! Tord looked at me with a fallen hope and despair. Matt screamed even more, crying even. I held onto my stomach, trying to endure the pain.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ww! Tord yells. The dinosaur incremented it's tail, about to hit me one more time.

But a normal Sprite can hits it's tail, harshly. The dinosaur roars, stopped paying attention to me and looked from behind. Another person was there, along with 4 others behind him.

"Hehe.... *coughs* Remember the dinosaur who got hit by a soda can...? *coughs harshly* He was lucky it was a SOFT DRINK...... Haha.... *coughs*"



CRap my hand slipped

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Oh hey. (Just a little spoiler, Edd ain't dying.)

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HE ISN'T I SWEAR DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK

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Haha. A pun at the end. Classic Edd.

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Ww! Tom was here literally-- *couGHS* 

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