The birth of the Blue Phoenix - Book 2 (MxM 18+)

Chapter 13: Memories in pastel

Zach, Fri Jan 4th 2013

I'm so bored. Two weeks ago, the prospect of a vacation and not having any chores to do was a dream to me. But since I don't know how to do anything other than that, I realize that without my usual duties, I'm just bored to death.

My ass still hurts, although the pain has receded a bit. Sadly, the treatment I'm taking has diarrhea as a side effect, which is oh so fun for my poor butt.

Mostly though, I miss Thomas.

Yesterday, when Aiden left at the end of the afternoon, I used the things he bought for me and began a few sketches. I know I have no talent whatsoever, but it soothed me. Then I began a more complex drawing, with pencils and pastels, not really paying attention to what I was doing. I didn't realize I spent the evening on it, not even stopping to eat. It was a picture of a younger Thomas and me, all in blue, him hugging me from behind, both of us smiling. Except it emanated an aura of nostalgia that made me so sad I just cried myself to sleep.

Of course, I don't miss the parts where he beat me repeatedly, or his other punishments, I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid! I miss the tenderness we had toward each other at the beginning of our relationship. I remember when I saw him for the first time in the locker room in PE at the beginning of our senior year, I couldn't stop from staring at him. He noticed of course, but instead of bullying me because of it, like a few other fine specimens of the high school male population did before, he just came to talk to me when it was only the two of us in the room.

"Like what you see?" he said. I could only nod shyly, afraid he would punch me. "I like what I see too!" he whispered before pecking my cheek and leaving me blushing and alone.

From there things went pretty fast. Kisses in empty classrooms, blowjobs in the janitor's closet. The first time we made love was at his parents' house, during a weekend they were away, and it was just sweet and perfect. When my own family disowned me and threatened to kill me, I moved in with him.

I don't know how it went from a fairy tale to that last month. If I look back at those six years, I can see how he slowly became rougher with me. Is it because I love being manhandled during sex? I know I'm a slut. Who else loves to be taken by two males at the same time after all? But that doesn't mean I like to be beaten.

I remember our first threesome, on the beach at a bonfire party. I had been bothering him for the better part of the past year, and he eventually yielded to my request that night after a game of spin the bottle. I had always found it hot, but when I finally experienced my fantasy, being used by two hot guys at the same time, it was such a revelation. I was flying, it was better than any drug I had ever taken, and I couldn't wait to do it again.

That didn't mean I stopped loving Thomas as much. The other guy was just needed for his dick to be fair, and as long as he was hot, I didn't care about anything else. Looking back though, it's after this that he began to call me names. It was meant as a joke at first but soon became a regular thing. Perhaps he believed I didn't really love him as much because of this kink? Then he graduated and I stopped working. This is the moment things really went astray.

We can talk things through, I hope.. I decided this last night: I'm going to stay away for two weeks, and on the 13th, I will go back to see him. We will discuss the situation like adults, and I hope he'll agree to resume our relationship like it was before, minus the beatings and the BDSM shit. We were happy together four years ago, there is no reason why it couldn't be the case now.

I have to stop brooding on these thoughts but I'm just too bored. I don't dare try drawing again, too afraid I might come up with another picture that upsets me. We saw yesterday how my pathetic attempt at cooking resulted. I can't believe I woke Aiden up after he worked all night, or that I broke so many of his plates. He didn't seem too mad at me, but I bet he is walking on eggshells around me so that he doesn't upset me. Breakfast was completely messed up, but he tried to be nice and complimented me on it all the same.