I woke up the next morning with a lot of missed calls and unread text messages. They all were directing me to a link. When I clicked on it there it was. Me and Ron. In his room. I was mortified. I wanted to hide under the covers and go back to bed, but I knew that I couldn't start this off running and hiding, because that would make me look guilty. I slowly got out of bed and made my way into the bathroom to prepare for my day.
As I walked to my morning class my stomach was in knots. I was so nervous. I prided myself on being discrete about my business and carrying myself well, but today the image I had kept up had been undone in a matter of a few hours. I didn't know how I'd survive this day or if I'd even survive it at all. I tried the best that I could to put on a brave face.
When I got back from classes later that day Kevin was in my room. I sucked my teeth. "What are you doing here," I groaned as I put my things down. "I wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing. I saw the video this morning."
"Yeah. Everyone did."
"Alyssa don't act like that."
"Don't act like what Kevin?"
"Don't shut me out. I want to be here for you. I know this must be hard."
"Hard doesn't began to describe how this has been for me," I said with my eyes welling up. "I have been humiliated in front of my peers, my colleagues, my professors. Everyone knows who I am now and not for any of the good things that I've done. I'm devastated."
"Let me help you."
"No Kevin. There is nothing you can do for me." Kevin came up behind me and tried to console me. "Kevin can you just leave me alone please?" He stepped away from me.
"Alyssa you're not playing fair. Don't forget that I'm entangled in this too, because we're together. You think I'm not getting it too? People keep saying isn't that Kevin's girlfriend? Why would she do that to him? And they keep talking shit about you. Do you know how many people I have had to damn near fight today? It's rough for me too."
"Oh so you found a way to make this about you. You aren't in the video Kevin and you're not the one who everyone is talking about. I am."
"Baby. It's not like that. Are you looking for ways to wedge us apart now as if Ron and Ronny aren't enough?"
"I don't want to do this right now. I don't feel like arguing with you. I need my space Kevin. I need you to leave."
"What if I don't want to leave, huh? You gon' just keep pushing me away? This isn't the time for us to be divided."
"Kevin," I started.
"No. You've talked. Now it's my turn," he said cutting me off. "Ya know the crazier this thing gets the more I want to be with you. The more I want to protect you and make sure you're okay. Don't demonize me. I just want to be here to comfort you."
"So do it from a distance," I said pointing to the door. Kevin shut my room door. "I'm not leaving. You can't just kick me to the curb, because you're angry."
"You wanna bet," I said opening up my room door. "If you want to stay, stay. I'll go." Kevin tried to grab me, but I quickly brushed him off and headed for the door. I needed to be alone for a few hours.
...
A few days had gone by and this still hadn't blown over. "I am so embarrassed," I said as I hung my head low for a second. "I knew she was gonna do it, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I feel like my personal space has been invaded."
"Please believe that when I see that bitch Ronny, I'm whooping her ass on sight."
"Well you better get to her before I do Janelle, because if I get to her first imma kill her."
"What are you gonna do? Have you thought about it?"
"Yep. I'm going to sue Ron and Ronny for defamation of character, because first off Ron recorded it and Ronny sent it out. The second thing I'm going to do is sue Ron for illegally recording me and then they're both gonna get sued for emotional distress. I'm not playing. These bitches wanna be together they can go down together too. I've already contacted my lawyer and sent them what they needed. Now I'm just waiting until they draft up the papers so they can serve these bitches."
"Damn you gotta whole plan in place sis!"
"Yeah. You know me. I don't play that."
"Have you talked to Kev?"
"No. I don't have nothing to say to him right now, because whatever deal him and Ron made fell through and I'm upset about it. I don't want to see him right now, so please don't talk me out of it."
"Okay. I wasn't going to."
I took a deep breath. "These past couple of weeks have been draining, but this week takes the cake." I stood up from my bed. "Come on lets go. We got class in fifteen."
...
It was nearing the end of the week. It has been hard to get through the lingering eyes and the whispers. Some of the guys were looking at me more sexually and of course the girls had a lot to say. It wasn't hard to tell that everyone was on Ronny's side. In this instance she was the victim and I was the hoe that interfered in a otherwise perfect relationship. No one was checking for Ron. I carried the burden by myself while he was getting praised for 'taping that ass.' It's bullshit. No one knew the truth, only what Ronny had told them and what was emphasized in the video. The whole day has been stressful even up until now.
I was headed to my favorite spot in the library to avoid another day of persecution. It was the perfect place to go since half of the student body seemed to be scared to step foot inside of it with the exception of midterms and finals of course. When I entered the library I should of guessed that it was gonna be more crowded than usual. That's usually how it happens. As soon as you want to go somewhere other people mysteriously get the idea to go there too and it's always at the most inoppertune time. Instantly, I regretted continuing inside when eyes started acknowledging the parts of myself that I wished to remain hidden. I headed to the elevator to get a few moments of alone time, but of course that momentary peace I had hoped for evaded me when two other people got on the elevator after me. The silence hung heavy. There was no doubt they knew who I was or maybe I was just paranoid. I got off on the fourth floor and headed to my spot in the library. When I arrived Kevin was sitting there. I raised my eyebrow and acknowledged him as I walked in his direction. "Hey," was all I said before I sat down. He had a book in his hand and was pretending to read it. I pulled out my notebook and a pen and started going over some class notes. Ten minutes of complete silence had gone by. "What you reading?" I asked him as I underlined something irrelevant in my notes. "Something about asking those you've hurt for forgiveness." I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him. "I'm sorry," he said. I closed my notebook and pushed it aside. I studied his face for a moment before speaking up. "I forgive you."
"Can we go back to my place and talk?"
"Yeah. I didn't really want to be here anyway," I said as I gathered up my things.
We walked over to the elevator. The closer we got to the ground the closer he held me. "I got you," he whispered just before the elevator doors opened. When we stepped out and headed for the exit, it had just dawned on me that this would be the first time that people had seen us together since the video was released. Occasionally people would stare and indiscreetly point to us and say something to the person they were standing with. This still stunned me. I'm literally a nobody and people are giving me all of this attention like I'm Hollywood's newest scandal. It was a hot ass mess. Kevin wrapped his arm around my waist and was playful with me as we headed to his car. He wanted everyone to know that we were still together and that he was unfazed by the video. He made his statement loud and clear.
...
I was so relieved when we got back to his apartment. We kicked off our shoes and headed in the direction of the kitchen. I hopped on top of the counter. Kevin opened the fridge and went straight for the bottle of wine on the top of the shelf. "I figured you could use this," he said reaching in the cabinet for the wine glasses. He poured me a glass and handed it to me. "Thanks," I said before taking a sip. "Kevin---"
"Nope you don't have to say anything," he said cutting me off. "I forgive you."
"Thank you. For everything." He clinked his glass with mine. "Anything for you baby."
