"Did y'all talk about it the next day?" Janelle asked resting her chin on
the back of her hand.
I put my elbow on the back of the sofa. "Yeah. We did."
"So? How'd it go? What did he say about you not wanting to have any more kids?"
"He was upset. He asked me to think about it, but I can't see it happening anymore. Is that bad?"
"Is it bad? Hell yeah it's bad. You told him that you wanted to have kids with him and now you just recant--- and on your wedding night at that. Come on Lys it's a little insensitive," Janelle said looking at me.
"What? How was that insensitive?"
"You shouldn't have said "no" like that. In my opinion I think a more appropriate response would have been: 'I'm not sure' or 'ya know what babe? I haven't given it much thought,' but you, you responded with a flat out "no" never considering the repercussions. Just like you, he has lost a baby and in a matter of seconds you took away any hope he had of having another one with you."
"J. I didn't even know I felt that way until it came out a few nights ago and after hearing it out loud I stand behind my statement."
"Really," Janelle said crossing her legs Indian style on the sofa. "You don't want to have any more kids with Kevin?"
"No"
"And you're sure?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think that's true," she said sitting back and folding her arms.
I sucked my teeth. "Why not?"
Janelle got up from the couch.
"Where are you going," I asked as I watched her leave the living room. A few seconds later she reappeared with a box of tissues. I gave her a confused look. "Why do you need tissues?"
"Oh. They're not for me."
I scrunched up my face. "So why did you---" Janelle cut me off.
"I'm gonna tell you what I think the real reason is behind you not wanting to try for anymore kids and you stop me when I'm wrong," she said.
"Okay," I said clasping my hands together and putting them in my lap, "Shoot."
"I think you're afraid that what happened to Aleyah will happen again. You're scared that you'll lose another baby in labor and if not the same way than in some other tragic situation. You no longer trust your body to do what it is meant to do. You don't believe that it can get you through a full term pregnancy. And if the truth be told, you want nothing more than to have a house full of kids with Kevin, but you're worried that that day will never come; that you'll have to forgo all of those dreams that you have for your children." She grabbed my hand. "And that's okay."
"Oh shit," I said as I grabbed a tissue out of the box. "The tissues are for me," I sniveled. I dabbed at eyes.
Janelle smiled and continued. "It's fine to be concerned about these kinds of things, but not confronting it is not healthy for you. You need to tell Kevin, because he is your husband and he loves you." I gave Janelle a hug. "You're right. Thanks J."
"Don't mention it," she smiled back.
"Hey y'all. Wassup," Kevin said as he walked into the apartment with his friends behind him.
"Whats going on in here," he asked as me and Janelle let go of one another. All the guys sat down around the living room looking between us and each other. Janelle gave me a gentle nudge.
"Kevin can I talk to you," I asked standing up.
A few of his friends looked at each other with raised brows. "Yeah baby," he said genially. "Of course."
I left the living room and headed in the direction of the den. Kevin followed behind me.
"Can you shut the door behind you, please and lock it?"
"Yeah, but baby what's going on," he asked as he locked the door and walked over to me.
I held my hands together and came clean. "I lied about not wanting any more kids with you. I didn't really think about it after what happened, but I realized that I do want more. I'm just afraid that they wouldn't be able to survive me; that they'd come into the world the same way that Aleyah did and that scares me."
"Baby. I feel the same way. I'm nervous as hell about that too, but it's worth a shot when it's with the woman that I love. Together we'll find a way to overcome this. We're in this for the long haul. Forever and always. You remember that baby, okay?"
I nodded my head and sniveled. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him tightly. "I don't deserve you. You're too good for me," I said nuzzling his neck. Kevin let out a chuckle. "Not true. I'm perfect for you." I looked up at him and smiled. He pecked my lips. "So we're good," I asked him. Kevin grinned and kissed my lips again. "Oh we're definitely good."
Kevin and I left the den and headed back into the living room with everyone else. He plopped down in the chair closest to the door. I followed suit and sat in his lap.
"Y'all are so cute," Janelle grinned.
"Ugh. Please. They don't need anymore encouragement," Josh teased.
Kevin laughed and playfully pinched my side. I turned to look at him and smiled.
"Why you look like you want to eat this nigga alive," Josh teased.
I laughed. "Why must you always come for me?"
"Cuz bitch you make it so easy," he laughed.
I shifted my weight from one side to the other in Kevin's lap. "Baby stop moving," he said holding me still. I looked back at him. "Oh my bad baby. I was just trying to fix my dress."
"Kevin you alright? You look sorta stressed back there," Darius teased. Kevin tried not to laugh. "I'm good."
"Alyssa that's your phone ringing," Janelle said to me. "Oh can you hand it to me," I asked slightly getting up from Kevin's lap. I reached across Josh and grabbed my phone. "Thanks J." I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was an unknown number. I answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey Alyssa. It's me. Ron."
...
