"Love brought you here. If you trusted love this far, don't panic now." - James Baldwin
...
"So Alyssa. Now that we've covered a few things that can help you better navigate your trauma, tell me. How have you been doing lately," Roshini asked. I tucked one leg under me and sighed. "I've been doing okay. Way better than usual."
"Define 'better than usual.'"
"I'm less fearful when I'm alone and I've begun talking to my friends about what happened exactly and how I feel about it now. I'm not as guarded as I was before and I think that's doing better than usual.
"Okay," she said shaking her head, "And what about your husband, Kevin? How is he?"
"Um. I think he's okay. We don't really talk much like we used to since the incident. I---miss him," I said slowly. "I didn't think it was possible to live in the same house with a person, see them everyday, and miss them, but I do."
"What's this emotion that I'm getting from you? Tell me what's going on?"
"It's sadness. It's guilt," I said with tears welling up in my eyes.
"Okay. Explain that to me."
"We haven't been ourselves around each other since the incident. We have this mundane routine where everyday we wake up in separate rooms, we wait for one person to finish in the bathroom before we go in, we eat breakfast quietly, Kevin tip toes around me, because he's afraid he'll say or do the wrong thing. Now we're the polite couple who doesn't joke, or laugh, or touch each other," I trailed off.
"Alyssa. Don't shut down. Talk to me. What's going through your mind right now?"
"I want my bestfriend back." I wiped away a fallen tear. Realizing that I no longer wanted to discuss this, I stood up to leave. "I'm sorry. I need to go." I gathered up my belongings and moved swiftly across the room.
"Alyssa wait," Roshini said as I opened the door.
I didn't say goodbye or promise to see her next week. I just shut the door behind me. Needless to say, I didn't go back.
..
"Hey Lys. You decent?" Kevin asked as he peeked his head into the bedroom.
"Yeah. Come in."
Kevin walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "I haven't seen you all day. I just wanted to see how you were. How was therapy today?"
"It was...okay."
"Just okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. I'm fine," I reassured him.
We sat in awkward silence.
"So," I said trying to carry on the conversation, "how was your day?"
"It was cool," he replied and then the awkward silence resumed. "Well," Kevin said standing up, "It's getting late, so I guess I should get out of your way." He headed for the door. "Wait," I said from behind him. He turned around. "How about we...go out tonight. It's the weekend and I don't have anything to do."
"You sure?" He asked.
"Yeah. Why not," I shrugged.
"Okay. I'm in," he smiled.
"Okay. Then I guess we should get ready."
"Alright. Be ready by ten," Kevin said leaving out the door.
..
Two hours later Kevin and I had arrived to this new spot called "X." Thankfully we didn't have to wait in line, because Kevin knew the bouncer.
"Aye what's up Kev," he said dapping him up. "I ain't seen you in a minute."
"Yeah it has been a while," Kevin replied.
