Counterpoint

Chapter 25

Jefferson

   I can't help the smile that has dawned on my lips, I haven't felt this good in years. Alexander pulled us to the farthest couch and sat down himself before pulling me down beside him. Now I find myself to be in a rather pleasant predicament. My head is resting in Alexander's lap, his fingers running through my hair as he scrolls through his phone, unconsciously making me feel so loved. I had tried to refrain from smiling, but with every sweep of his fingers the urge to smile only seemed to increase, so now I no longer attempt to resist the urge. I am openly smiling with my eyes lightly closed as a pleasant warmth washes over me, sinking into every pore and radiating throughout my entire being. 

   "You didn't fall asleep, did you?" Alex asks curiously. 

   "Was that your goal?" I ask with a content hum. My eyes remaining closed as I continue to revel in the warmth that is coming from his body and his touch. I would have allowed him to lull me to sleep if that was his intention.

   "Not at all. Why would I want your drool all over my legs?" He replies blandly. I chuckle as I roll over onto my other side, facing his stomach as his hand stills atop of my head. "Now what are you doing?"

   "Falling asleep." I reply cheekily, my grin giving away my tease. Alexander simply scoffs as he slowly returns to running his fingers through my hair. I peek up at him from underneath my lashes and see that his eyes are also closed as he lean his cheek into his palm. He really is beautiful when he is like this. Gleeful laughter begins to bubble inside of me until it reaches the point where I can no longer contain it. My body is trembling from the the laughter that is bubbling and exploding inside of me. 

   "What are you laughing about?" He asks suspiciously. I can't respond to him as the sheer extent of my laughter overwhelms me and all words are lost to me. I can feel his eyes on me as he watches me die of laughter in his lap. My eyes open and I find him looking back at me with a curious smile on his face. Joyful tears slip past my lashes as this overwhelming feeling of happiness consumes me. "Hey, what's so funny?"

   "You." I laugh.

   "Me?" Alex mutters confusedly. 

   "You love me." I coo through my laughter, causing for me to laugh even harder.

   "What?" He laughs in response. I can't form a response as I wrap my arms around his waist, chaining myself around him. His body goes rigid as I bury my face into his stomach, his hands try to push me away with less strength than I know he possesses. I chuckle into his shirt as I hold onto him tightly. I understand now, everything I felt had a purpose and was no accident. "Let go of me." He mutters. 

   "No." I hum into his stomach, he shivers slightly and I peek up at him cheekily. His cheeks are flushed a delicate shade of red as he looks back at me. "I don't want to let go of you." 

   "What the hell has gotten into you?" He questions with a faltering voice that he struggles to make sound angry. 

   "I don't know." I confess. "I just know that I don't want it to go away anytime soon." 

   "What are you talking about?" he snaps. His fingers dig into my shoulders deeply, but his nails don't sink into my skin. I look into his eyes and see that there is a contrast in the colors of his iris. There is a war being waged inside of him and he doesn't know how to act. He is being gentle with me without even realizing it. My lips curve into a sweet smile as I dig my fingers into his hips, holding him close.

   "I feel strange when I am around you," I whisper honestly. "It is such a strong feeling. It almost borders on the line of addictive." 

   "I don't understand." He whispers in return, his grip on my arms loosening slightly. His eyes look uncertain as he stares down at me, his dark lashes amplifying the contrast of colors that are reflecting in his iris. 

   "I don't want to be away from you." I close my eyes as I burrow my face into his stomach, reveling in the feeling of his abdomen rising and falling as he breathes.

   "You are confused." He whispers. "You don't really want me. You want-" 

   "Don't assume that you know what I want." I murmur as I curl my legs up to my chest, curling my body around Alexander's lap desperately. "I don't know what convinced me to invite you to stay here with me. I was convinced for the longest time that you and I wouldn't be able to stand one another for longer than a few minutes at a time. That you would surely try to destroy me simply because you hated me." 

   "Why are you talking like you never hated me? We both said and did horrible things to one another. You hate me just as much as I hate you." 

   "I never hated you." 

   "Don't lie to me."

   "I have no reason to lie to you." He looks away from me as he struggles to school his expression. "If I hated you none of this would be happening."  My fingers toy with the bottom of his shirt as his eyes remain distracted with the sea of thoughts that are surely raging against his skull. "You wouldn't be staying in my home with me, I never would have made such a deal with you," My fingers slip underneath the hem of his shirt and brush against the soft skin of his back. He tenses as he notices my touch on his skin. "I wouldn't be so desperately trying to keep you here with me." 

   "Thomas, you miss your wife...I'm just a replacement for all those feelings." My fingers still as his words make my heart ache. He really thinks that I am trying to work through my grief by using him as a substitute? "Don't hurt yourself unnecessarily." I loosen my grip on his waist as I pull myself up into a sitting position. I can't bring myself to look at him for a moment. The only sounds in the room are the roaring of my heart and his slightly raspy breathing. I grab his hand without looking back at him. "Thomas, I'm sorry if I-" His words die into painful silence as he feels the press of my lips on his hand. 

   My lips are trembling as I kiss across his knuckles, before planting a warm kiss onto his palm. I pour all of my feelings into these kisses, trying to convey everything I feel to him. To convince him that I don't want a substitute for Martha. My heart knows that there will never be a substitute for a woman quite like her. I don't want a substitute I want something new and original, and I think I found that inside him. 

   "You love me." I whisper as Alex neglects to pull his hand away from my loose grip. "I love you." 

   "Don't be throwing those words around so easily." He replies anxiously. "You can't just-" 

   "I want to claim you." I whisper into his hand. "I want you to give me a claim on you." His arm goes slack and I turn to look over my shoulder at him. There are tears beginning to form in his eyes, the reasoning behind their formation is a mystery to me but I gently reach out to wipe them away regardless. He catches my hand and holds it a short distance from his face, his grip slipping. 

   "You are confused." He mutters, more to himself than to me. "Martha is the one that you love and you are just projecting those feelings onto me. I won't let you." 

   "You love me." I whisper softly. 

   "Stop saying that!" He snaps, failing to realize just how close I am drawing towards him. "Stop talking about my feelings as if you know them better than me!" His eyes widen as I place a hand on his cheek. 

   "Shh," He tries to pull away from me slightly as I lean in but halts when my hand slides to the base of his neck. "Trust me to catch you when you fall." Our lips collide together and for the first time in my life it is the sweetest kiss I have ever experienced.