Counterpoint

Chapter 82

Thomas

   Momma sits at the kitchen island, her palms pressed flat against the cool marble as she stares down at them. The sounds of Alexander and little Martha have become muffled and distant to my ears. Their voices sounding distorted as if passing through a veil of water before reaching me. It is a rather peculiar feeling to be so close to one of your parents and feel like you never knew them. There are too many emotions raging a war inside of my head and I don't know how to sort through them all. My heart wants nothing more than to sit beside her and try to find some kind of resolution, but my mind is still reeling from the harsh sting of her betrayal. 

   Her eyes meet mine and her lips part. My heart pounds in my chest as I quickly force words past my lips before I allow her to cloud the air and my resolve with any more doubt. 

   "You lied to me." Those four words fall from my lips like anchors crashing into the tile floor. "I don't know how or why you would do this to me. How do you expect me to just accept this and move on? You could have told me and there would have been so many memories we all could have shared. You robbed me of that. I want to know why."

   "I don't have a suitable answer for you." She murmurs, her eyes fixating on her hands and the swirls of marble beneath them.

   "Well you better think of something to say for yourself." I stride across the kitchen and press my palms harshly against the countertop. The clear sound of skin colliding with stone rings through the air making her jump in surprise. "You owe me an explanation!" 

   "I don't know what you want me to say Thomas." Her reply is meek and quiet, her eyes flitting between the left and right of her hands, looking anywhere but at me directly. "Do you have any idea what it is like to raise a child?"

   "No," I snap. "You worked rather hard to deprive me of that." 

   "That wasn't what I was trying to say." She glances up at me through her lashes. I don't know what she saw when she looked into my eyes but she quickly retracted her gaze from mine. "You were grieving... I didn't think you would be able to handle raising a child and grieving for Martha." 

   "You never gave me the chance." 

   "Thomas, I was already afraid of losing one of my children." Thin streams of tears drag over the curves of her cheeks. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I endangered the life of another child." 

   "Now you see," I push away from the counter with such force that the muscles in my upper arms begin to ache. "these aren't decisions that you get to make by yourself! That child in there is mine! Not yours!" My voice echoes through the house, rattling inside the bone fortress of my skull along with the roaring tempest of blood in my ears. "You do not get to decide if I know she exists or not! You have no right!"

   "Thomas!" Alexander is standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his face a mask of pure outrage. "This is not at all what we agreed on." 

   "I never agreed to anything! As usual, you just expect me to go along with whatever you say. I can't do it this time Alex. I can't!"

   "Thomas, there are better ways to do this." Alexander holds up both of his hands, palms directed at me. 

   "How could you expect me to apologize?"

   "I just wanted the two of you to make peace before we are all in one building together for several hours." His eyes narrow ever so slightly as he holds my stare. "You do recall that your sister is getting married, correct?"

   "Alexander, I appreciate what you are trying to do," Momma interjects. "I really do, but if Thomas doesn't wish to forgive me then that is his right." I glance over at her warily as she takes a slow intake of breath. "If it will also make you more comfortable Thomas, I will only attend the ceremony of Martha's wedding so you may enjoy the reception in peace."

   "Stop it." I rub harshly at my eyes with the heels of my palms, bruising the fragile skin underneath my hands. "Stop trying to be a martyr."

   "I am only trying to make this easier on you Thomas." 

   "You can't make it easier for me! The damage is done and that time is lost. No matter what you do now will ever give me that time back." Warm hands rest on my wrists as stern fingers wrap around them and gently pull my hands away from my face. Alexander's stunning eyes look up into mine and I feel the world slowly melt away beneath my feet until I am drowning in the vibrant color of his iris. 

   "You've said enough." He whispers. "Don't say anything that you're going to regret." Gentle curves are traced with the pads of his thumbs over the bumps of my wrists. My fingers remain suspended in the air, held prisoner by my uncertainty and his unwavering grip. 

   "You can't make it better Momma." I murmur. "I lost that time and I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you for that." Alexander keeps his eyes locked on mine, watching so intently that I am certain he was searching for the faintest indication of my intentions within my iris. "But you owe it to Martha and to all of us to be there."

   "Are you saying that you want me there, Thomas?"

   "You should be there for your daughter on her special day." Alexander's lips curl into a slight smile, a secret held between the two of us as slight and powerful as breath. "Now if you will excuse me I would like to go see my daughter, for this is also a rather special day and I would like to share it with her."