Counterpoint

Chapter 40

Alexander

   This day continues to grow ever more curious and tense as I find myself sitting in a meeting. Washington sits close to my right, his eyes glancing between myself and Thomas slowly. He seems to be sizing us up. I glance over at Thomas who doesn't even appear to feel uneasy of the way both Washington and Madison's eyes are anchored on us. My fingers fiddle with the wrinkles on the legs of my pants underneath the table. The way that both of these men continue to keep their eyes trained on me, studying my every move, fills me with a growing sense of apprehension which only continues to heighten when I look over at Thomas's carefree expression.

   "Are you gentlemen prepared for today's cabinet meeting?" Washington finally breaks the silence, tearing Madison's eyes away from me and being placed on the president. Washington's eyes scan our expressions before turning his attention to the only man who has no place in this meeting. "Mr. Madison." He says simply. I glance back at the short, sickly man. He doesn't even glance in my direction as he parts from the room without a word. A faintly distinct sense of relief flows over me as one of my attentive observers finally grants me some recess.

   "James." Thomas says softly, bidding his coworker and personal friend a brief goodbye. Madison doesn't acknowledge that he had spoken as he passes through the door and retreats down the hallway.

   "I hope that your month away proved to be beneficial to you both." 

   "I believe that it was exactly what the two of us had needed. Thank you, sir." Jefferson intercedes, speaking before I was even capable of forming any sort of coherent response to Washington's statement. "There was a great deal of rest and respite for Secretary Hamilton, which I believe has proved to be rather beneficial." I glare at him slightly, painfully aware of the way he speaks of me.

   "Secretary Hamilton, anything to add?" Washington inquires. Thomas glances over at me and smiles at me slightly, his eyes hooding as Washington keeps all of his attention on me. I wet my lips quickly before responding. 

   "Not much to add sir." I confess. "Jefferson was a dictator and followed what I will assume to be your orders to the fullest." Thomas leans back in his chair and looks at me with a rather confused and irritated expression. "It was rather surprising that he simply didn't lock me in a room."

   "His methods are not in question." Washington replies with a small smile. "I only care for the results that follow." I say nothing as I notice the way that Thomas is smirking out of the corner of my eye. "What are your thoughts in regards to the actions of Citizen Genêt? Should we continue to allow him to remain in the country, regardless of the fact that he has been attempting to privateer our ships against the wishes and instructions of numerous American officials?" Thomas taps his fingers against the top of the table as he thinks through the information that has been presented to him. "Secretary Jefferson, what is your position?"

   "I must say that his actions are appalling. His blatant disregard for the wishes and instructions that have been conveyed to him by the emissaries of the president show his opinion of the country as well as the authority we possess."I glance between the two men who seem to be rather entranced with the response that Jefferson is producing. "The solution that I recommend would be to insist that the government of France recall their ambassador." 

   "Secretary Hamilton?"

   "Genêt should be punished for his deliberate disregard of your authority. I agree with the thoughts of Secretary Jefferson, in regards to something having to be done in response to his actions. My only refutation would be the current state of the French government. If Genêt can be confidently returned to his country without any threat on his life upon his return, then I will consent to such action."

   Washington stares at me for several seconds after I had finished speaking. His mouth is slightly agape as he continues to stare at me with a blank expression. I glance over at Thomas who is simply sitting with his mouth covered by his hand, his shoulders shaking slightly from his silent laughter. What is so God damn funny?

   "Sir?" I inquire warily. 

   "Did you and Secretary Jefferson just agree?" Washington finally breaks his period of silence. I look over at Thomas and a rush of cold inches its way down my spine, raising goosebumps on my skin. He's laughing because he realized before I did. I agreed with Jefferson without even stopping to sink about it. I rise to my feet and quickly make my way towards the door. 

   "Hamilton." Thomas calls out to me, making me pause with my fingers resting on the cool metal of the doorknob. I don't look back at him as I turn the knob and quickly escape into the hallway. His voice is echoing in my ears, right alongside the rumbling thunder of Washington calling for me to return to the conference room. I can't do it. 

   Whatever this is that his occurring between Thomas and I, it shouldn't be affecting me in such a way. His influence on my emotions and personal thoughts should not be affecting my professional thought processes. I am becoming so emotionally compromised by him that I simply agree with him out of instinct? I cannot allow for this to be. The whole design of our government was built around the expectation of balance of differences between individuals. If I am so weak to him that I simply agree with everything that he says our country will fail.

   I jump slightly as two arms wrap themselves around my shoulders, pulling me back. My hands fly up to press against the arms that are pinning me. My panic fades away as the sound of Jefferson's voice resonates quietly in my ears. 

   "Breathe." He whispers. "Just breathe."

   "I need you to let go of me." I mutter.

   "I'm not going to do that." he retorts, tightening his hold on me. "Sorry, but you are not getting rid of me that easily." 

   "We agreed." I mutter.

   "We did." He nuzzles his face into my hair. His happiness in this moment is almost tangible, he doesn't feel any of the feelings that are racing through my mind. He hasn't even considered any of the possibilities and problems that I have considered. It is infuriating just how lax and carefree he can be with something so important. "Is that why you ran out, because we agreed?"

   "I can't allow you to influence my decisions, not here." 

   "You think I influenced you?" He asks coolly. "You really are a stubbornly ignorant man." I stiffen at his words, but his hold on me doesn't waver. "Just because you agreed with me for the first time in God only knows how many meetings, that doesn't mean that anything influenced you or compromised your ability to make decisions for yourself. You simply agreed with my solution because you were thinking the same thing." 

   "This can't keep happening." I murmur, unconsciously leaning back into him. 

   "Trust me, knowing you, it probably won't happen ever again." 

   "I'm sorry." 

   "Shut up, Hamilton."