Counterpoint

Chapter 52

Alexander

   I really wish that this wasn't how today was supposed to end. My grip on the steering wheel tightens slightly as Thomas begins to doze off in the passenger side seat. I meant what I said and have no intention of every taking it back, but as I told Thomas I had no intention of confessing to him today. My fingers tap irritably over the leather casing of the steering wheel. If Thomas hadn't broken down into tears while we were kissing I wouldn't have said it. The longer I think this way the more I convince myself that my thoughts are making me appear heartless. I had intended to tell Thomas how I felt, confessing to him in my old office in my ex-wife's house was not in the plan. 

   Wine, witty conversation, and a good movie was how I had envisioned telling him that I loved him. None of this Angelica bullshit was even considered as a possibility. Thomas shifts slightly in his sleep and I can't help but stare at him for a few seconds before turning my attention back to the road. There is a rather important conversation that Thomas and I need to have, such as what exactly we are to one another now that we both know how we feel about the other. This timing isn't exactly ideal either. Thomas has to leave for a business trip in less than half a week, not really allowing us much time to sit down and have a genuine conversation about what we are. 

   I don't know if I am going to be able to handle it when he leaves. I had never really done well with distance in my relationships. The only reason I was able to leave Eliza behind initially was because I knew there would be a small army to protect and support her in my absence. Now I am the one being left behind and I don't know how I should feel about it, or what should be done. Thomas would only be gone for about a week, but I am not certain that even that small amount of time will be survivable for me.

   We pull into a parking spot and Thomas's eyes flutter slightly before opening halfway. He looks around with a rather disoriented gaze. It is obvious that he is trying really hard to wake up entirely, but he is struggling to regain full function of himself. I slide off my jacket and lay it on top of him. He looks over at me with lazy and disoriented eyes. 

   "Alex?"

   "Go back to sleep." I say softly, tucking the hood of my jacket underneath his chin.

   "No." He murmurs stubbornly as his eyes slowly slide closed. I breathe a soft laugh before running a gentle hand over his soft cloud of curls, drifting down to cup his cheek in my hand before exiting the car. My skin is tingling as I lock the car, the heat from his skin is still scorching into mine as I walk into the store.

   I walk with purpose as I go directly towards the aisle filled with room temperature wine. My eyes scan over the multitude of fanciful names before grabbing a bottle of pink wine and heading towards the floral department. For the first time I stop thinking about money or how I will be able to replace the funds I am spending. The only thing that is going through my mind is the sleeping face of Thomas as he rests peacefully in the car, patiently waiting for me to come back to him in his dreams. My pace quickens once I reach the checkout line, my body can't seem to stop fidgeting until everything is paid for and I am finally heading back out into the parking lot.

   The bag sways in my hand as I walk back through the sliding doors, quickly approaching the car. Thomas is leaned against the window of the passenger side door, his eyes are still peacefully shut as I slide all of my purchases into the back seat and swiftly returning to my place in the driver's seat. His nose crinkles slightly as I click my seatbelt into place, but his eyes do not open. I pause in surprise as his hand reaches out for mine, gripping onto my hand tightly before going slack. A deep exhale escapes his lips as he stretches slightly in his seat. 

   "You weren't gone long." he mumbles, his eyes remaining closed. 

   "Were you awake this whole time?"

   "I don't know." I breathe out a laugh before gripping onto his hand tightly, pressing the pads of my fingers into the smooth skin of his hand. His warmth unsettles me slightly, but I can't bring myself to let go of him. "You seem upset." I look up from our joined hands and see his beautiful chocolate eyes peeking out from underneath his dark lashes. 

   "I'm not upset." I murmur in response, brushing my thumb over the arches and dips of his knuckles. 

   "What's going on inside of that restless head of yours?" he presses. 

   "Honestly, not a damn thing." I mumble. "It's kind of unsettling."

   "Oh no, you are actually relaxing, what a damn shame." he grumbles with a small smirk. I glare at him halfheartedly, eliciting a small laugh from his lips as he yawns quietly. "It isn't exactly a band thing to simply allow your mind to slow down every once and a while." 

   "I know that...this is just different." 

   "Different how?" I gained his full attention as two molten orbs of melted chocolate study me closely, his fingers tightening their hold on my hand as if I would run away if he didn't hold onto me.

   "I don't know where to go from here." I confess after a brief moment of thought. 

   "Well, we could start by going back home." 

   "Your home." 

   "Our home." he corrects me sternly, digging his nails into my skin slightly. I bite down onto my bottom lip lightly as I allow myself to think about all of the things that will have to be discussed between Thomas and myself. "Get up." 

   "What?"

   "I said get up." 

    "I know that's what you said, but I don't understand what you mean."

   "It means get your short ass out of the driver seat of my car. I want to drive my own car." 

   "Are you serious?" I ask with a note of exasperation. 

   "As the plague. Up."

   "Fine." I grumble as I slide out of the car. I shouldn't have been surprised by Thomas simply launching himself over the middle console and falling into the driver's seat, but still I stand there and glare at him with a faintly disdainful expression. His eyes track me as I walk around the car and sit myself down into the passenger seat beside him. I slouch down into the seat and cross my arms as I wait for the car to thrum to life and for Thomas to take us back.

   "Don't be mad." Thomas grips onto my chin and pulls my attention back towards him. "I didn't mean to upset you." 

   "I'm not upset." I grumble. "Believe me, you would know when I am really upset." 

   "I believe you." He grins. "But you also like to hide things from people, like what you're really feeling."  I open my mouth to retort but I can tell by the look in his eyes that no matter what I say he will have a rebuttal that will send me flying back on my ass. I opt to remain silent which seems to amuse him slightly. "You aren't going to that this time, not with me." I look up at him curiously, his grip on me tightens slightly. "I won't be able to handle it if you do that to me constantly." 

   "What do you want me to do Thomas?"

   "Be open with me, constantly." I laugh a little at the emphasis that he places on the word constantly. "Even when you are thinking something ridiculous, I want to know about it." He grins. 

   "I'm not going to tell you every single thought that goes through my head." I grumble as he brushes over my bottom lip with his thumb. 

   "We'll work on it." He teases. "It'll be our personal project, you'll only ever have to be open with me. That's all I ask." 

   "I...can try."