Counterpoint

Chapter 73

Alexander

   Thomas has curled himself into my body, his face pressed into my neck as the rest of his body clings to me as closely as possible.  I gently thread my fingers in his curls, holding him securely as he weeps. Curious eyes rest on me and I do my best not to shift underneath their gaze. His mother hasn't moved from her perch on the bed, keeping careful watch over the pair of us kneeling on the floor. She hadn't seemed too astonished by my gender, nor how quickly I took to my task of comforting Thomas. All things considered, she may have been expecting such a reaction from me.

   "Make her leave." Thomas sniffles into my shoulder. I blink in surprise at his words. He had always spoken so highly of his relationship with his mother, banishing her from his presence in this moment is painfully out of character. "Please." He pleads pitifully, his fingers curling tightly into the hair hanging at the nape of my neck. My eyes close for a moment as I simply sink into this moment with him feeling the keen sting of abandonment and betrayal. I look up at his mother apologetically as she rises to her feet.

   "Thomas, I-"

   "You knew. You sat next to me, had dinner with me, visited the cemetery with me and never once thought to tell me that I had a baby girl running around without her daddy." He tries to pull back from me but I tighten my hold on him, preventing him from doing anything he will regret. Family means everything to him, this moment shouldn't jeopardize that. "You deprived her of me." He sobs, his body collapsing against me. His mother takes a step forward, reaching a hand out to touch her son. Her fingers reaching for his hair but I move my hand in the way of hers, brushing away her searching fingers. 

   A hurt expression crosses her face as she regards me with wide, surprised eyes. I shake my head from side to side as she parts her lips to reply. Her lips seal themselves together into a trembling line as she interlaces her fingers together in silent prayer before quickly departing from the room. My eyes follow her retreat and silently admire that she had the strength to refrain from looking back as she left. I can imagine that she feels rather distraught at the moment, but her feelings are not my concern at the moment. Thomas nestles his face further into the junction of my neck.

   "It's alright." I murmur softly, running my fingers gently through his curls. 

   "No it's not." He mumbles into my neck. "She had to live three years without me when she didn't have to." I can feel his nails through my shirt as he scrunches it up in his hands. "My own baby doesn't even know me."

   "I know how you feel." I murmur. 

   "I don't see how that's possible." He retreats from the refuge of my neck and meets my eyes. "I want her in my life Alexander." His voice is quiet yet serious. He means ever word that is falling from his lips and I support him with all of my heart.

   "That is your right." 

   "Is that going to chase you away?" I push him away a short distance and glare at him for several seconds. He stares back at me with a blank look of expectation. The look in his eyes resembles that of a dying man who is anticipating the isolation that comes with heading to the grave.

   "I'm a little offended that you just asked me that." He tries to speak but I cover his lips with my hand. "I have four kids, soon to be five. Children don't scare me." I smile softly. "Honestly it makes me feel closer to you." Thomas remains completely still as he stares at me, my hand beginning to burn from the hot press of his lips on my skin. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here as long as you want me here." 

   My heart is fluttering in my chest as I imagine he and I living out some kind of fantasy where he and I share a child of our own. It has been something that I have considered on a few occasions late at night, but I never had the gall to try and approach the topic with Thomas due to the youth of our relationship. My heart stutters in my chest as Thomas's eyes narrow and he grabs my hand, pulling it away from his lips. 

   "Five?" he questions darkly. "How is it soon going to be five children, Alexander?" My skin blanches as he pins me in place with his heavy gaze. His grip on my hand tightens exponentially, streams of pain racing up my arm as he holds me prisoner. "Was Eliza pregnant with your child before or after your divorce?"

   "She-"

   "Don't lie." he snarls through his teeth. "Don't lie by omission either. There will be hell to pay." 

   "Thomas, please take a breath." I try to break through the haze of emotion that he has enshrouded himself in, but that only seems to push him further into the haze.

   "Answer the damn question! Before or after?" He shakes me, his nails digging into my skin painfully.

   "After!" There is a dangerous silence that falls over the room. I can feel my heartbeat falter as he removes his hands from me and refuses to look at me. Repulsion courses through me as I sit in stagnant regret. I had tried to tell him so many times but my fear had halted me in my tracks and now I have to suffer the consequences of my weaknesses and dishonesty. 

   "When did it happen?"

   "It's not what you're thinking." 

   "Don't presume to know my thoughts in this moment." he snaps. "When did you two sleep together? I want a time and place!"

   "She was artificially inseminated five months ago. It was one of the deals made in our divorce, she had wanted all of her children to have the same father while also wanting to have more children. It was agreed upon that I would give her enough genetic material for her to have four more children, that is it." Thomas stares at the floor with such an intensity that it's a miracle the carpet didn't scorch. "You are the only person I have been intimate with ever since my separation with Eliza." 

   "You came out here to tell me this." He mutters. "You didn't come out here because you missed me at all, you just couldn't stand the guilt." 

   "You know that isn't true."  I struggle to reply evenly. "You honestly think I would fly all the way out here just to hurt you?" His eyes flicker to meet mine before flitting away, no words passing his lips. "I'm sorry that you think so lowly of me."

   "What would you have me think?" He asks in challenge. "Do you expect me to just smile and accept that you are having children with your ex wife while sleeping next to me?"

   "No." 

   "Then tell me, what you would have me do!"

   "Forgive me." I murmur. "Forgive me for the action, for the poor timing, for the affects it has on your life and the decisions you make going forward. I'm sorry." 

   "I can't do this right now." He murmurs, rising to his feet. Tears blur my vision as he runs weary hands over his face, wiping away the remnants of drying tears. He looks exhausted and defeated as his hands slowly drop away from his face. "This is too much."

   "If it would make it easier for you, I can head back to New York tonight." 

   "Stop making yourself into some kind of martyr." He snaps. "You don't get to get off so easy. I won't allow you to just run away from this. You are going to stay where I can keep an eye on you until I make a decision."

   "Is that really something that you want to do?"

   "You will be here when I get back!" he shouts. "If you're not I will drag you back here by your hair Hamilton!" I wince at his sharp tone, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip as I fight the urge to reply. He storms out of the room slamming the door behind him and breaking the seal on the vault of tears that had been accumulating behind my lashes. 

   "I'm such a fool."