Counterpoint

Chapter 35

Alexander

   Thomas hasn't come back all day. I haven't been able to call him due to my not having his number despite our living situation. Anxiety is building in my chest with every glance I spare at the clock. I hope that he is alright and that he will give me a chance to explain myself. I know that I haven't been the most forthcoming with information about my life, but there are a few stories that I didn't feel were necessarily mine to tell. My right leg bounces in my anxiousness as I wait for Eliza to arrive at Jefferson's address to pick up Philip. I glance over at my son who is fast asleep on one of the three luxurious couches in Jefferson's living room. His breathing is slow and deep. I remember when he was a baby and I would hold him when he slept, the sound of his breathing would grant me such peace, but in this very moment there is no peace to be found. 

   There is a quiet knock on the door and I quickly make my way to the front, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves before pulling it open. Eliza stands before me and as we look upon one another I remember every single reason that I had fallen in love with her and taken her for my wife. She grants me a gentle smile as she walks into the house, escaping the evening chill. I close the door behind her and follow her light steps back towards the living room. She pauses and gazes upon our slumbering son with me standing beside her. There are so many things that I wish to say to her, but no words seem to be worthy of her time or of her forgiveness.

   "It was rather surprising to receive a call from you after all this time, Alexander." She finally breaks the silence, her eyes never leaving Philip's sleeping form. 

   "I'm sorry that I did not call sooner." 

   "I know why you didn't call or visit." She simply replies. "You stayed away even though you had every right to be there with your children and your wife." 

   "There was a great deal going on that only a few were aware of..." I start, pausing as her beautiful eyes turn to hold mine. "I didn't wish to make things anymore difficult than they had already become." 

   "You had tried to tell me before, didn't you?" she murmurs, her expression darkening slightly. "You told me to allow you to explain. Alexander, did you truly expect me to hear your explanations in that very moment? After everything had just fallen apart. Our marriage, our family, our children's relationship with you. What would you have had me do?"

   "You did everything just right." I murmur as I look back at my son, his peaceful face pressed into one of the pillows on the couch. "I wouldn't have you change a single one of your reactions." She stares at me for a moment as we both fall into silence. Eliza looks away from me briefly before taking a deep breath and looking back at me once more. 

   "You should have told me that this was about John Laurens." I take a deep breath as she looks at me expectantly. "It was never your affair." 

   "I'm sorry that you had to figure it out on your own." 

   "I want you to tell me why you took the blame." She replies coolly, the usually quiet strength that she possesses resurfacing. I glance over at Philip and motion for us to move into the kitchen, putting just a little more distance between ourselves and the slumbering boy. 

   "John was engaged to be married to another woman, but later found himself in an amorous relationship with another woman, Maria Reynolds. It wasn't long after John had disappeared somewhere that Maria had come looking for my help. She was carrying John Lauren's child while still being married to another man."

   "Is that why you gave her so much money? To pay for the child and her silence?"

   "No, Eliza, no." I close my eyes and take a deep breath before continuing. "I gave her money so she could hire Burr to be her divorce lawyer, which she did. However, her now ex-husband, found the checking stubs for all of the money that I had lent to Maria. He then went and told everyone that I had an affair with his wife, which lead to the divorce and essentially our separation."