Counterpoint

Chapter 86

Alexander

Thomas and little Martha are fast asleep atop of the plush navy blue comforter in the master bedroom. Father and daughter curled up together in peaceful sleep, puzzle pieces finally falling back into place as they hold each other close. As they slumber, I sit in the living room with a book in hand. My eyes don't even attempt to trace over the shape of the letters or attempt to find any meaning behind their sequencing. There is too much floating through my mind to allow myself to wander off into the sanctuary of reading.

The tension that has formed between Thomas and certain members of his family has left me feeling rather uneasy. It would be foolish of me to assume that I would be able to smooth any of their ruffled feathers, I am far too outnumbered by Jeffersons to ever anticipate an easy victory. It would probably be in my best interests to just allow this circumstance to sort itself out and stay out of it entirely. My life would certainly be easier that way, but I don't believe Thomas would be truly happy without them in his life. He never had to live without his family nor would he ever choose the solitary lifestyle I maintained, so there lies the problem.

Granted, Thomas and I are far from standing on solid ground, it would be foolish of me to risk everything we have gained thus far in an attempt to fix a family dynamic that may never be the same again. It is a difficult situation for me to be placed in. If I had the chance I would do just about anything to be with my mother and older brother, but that is not fate and I cannot make that choice for Thomas. He would never forgive me for robbing him of his agency and I would never forgive myself for hurting him again. So now, I must lay here in wait and hope that this chaos will resolve itself, that the unconditional love Thomas had always preached about his family possessing will pull through in the end.

I lay my head back against the arm rest of the couch, casting my book aside as I listen to the quiet noise of Thomas's deep breathing from the other room. The noise is so familiar that I find myself matching my breath to his rhythm. My anxiety beginning to fade away with each shared exhale, a persistent smile crawling across my features as I allow my eyes to close, floating in the gentle sound.

Sometimes I wonder if the two of us meeting had been a miracle. God had often ignored my prayers, but perhaps he had always meant for me to find Thomas, or for him to find me. If all the hardship in my life had been meant to guide me to him then perhaps it had all been worth it. All my pain, all of my scars, Thomas accepted them all. He may not have understood everything I had gone through or the consequences that follow such experiences, but he never left me to deal with it all alone. He stood beside me, always.

He loves me, and I love him with all of my heart. I don't think I have ever been as blessed as I was when I was forced to realize the kind of person he really is. He may have never served in the military but he definitely has the stubborn tenacity of a soldier, or a lovesick man who finds himself always coming back to the difficult tomcat that stole his heart.

We are so different. If I look back at our childhoods and look at who we have become as adults, I still can't figure out how we got together or how we manage to keep coming back to one another. On paper our relationship shouldn't work, it should be toxic and unstable, but I don't desire anyone as much as I desire him. No one would be able to live up to the expectations he has etched into my heart nor would they ever be able to engage with me on the same level, boredom would snuff out any other relationship before it ever began.

I think he may just be the love of my life. True, neither of us are even close to being perfect, but I believe our imperfections are what allow us to understand one another. He understands me with such a startling clarity that I sometimes find myself stunned by it. Our understanding of one another allows for our brief separations to remain brief, temporary. He knows that I will always come running back and if I don't then he knows to come after me. We complete one another, but we do not define ourselves by each other, our life together is the product of our two independent lives blurring together into a beautiful shade of grey that he and I have learned to appreciate.