Counterpoint

Chapter 54

Alexander

  "Are you going to be quite alright, Alexander?"

   "I'm fine, Mr. Washington." I mutter as I continue to transcribe my thoughts onto one of the many sheets of paper before me. Thomas's eyes are on me, but he says nothing per to my request to keep our relationship private for the time being. He had argued initially, but after a while he seemed to condescend to my point of view.

   "You look rather off-balance." Washington continues, his fingers drumming against the top of the table as he continues to stare at me, searching for any evidence that I have failed to confess to him. "Is there anything troubling you?"

   "No sir." I reply coolly. "Mr. Washington, is there something that you would like to discuss with me?" Our eyes meet and there is a peculiar electric current that rushes between the two of us as we regard one another. He looks upon me with what I assume to be disappointment before averting his gaze. Thomas looks at me briefly, silently scolding me out of pushing any further, as is custom to my nature. I roll my eyes halfheartedly before returning my attention to my papers, the tip of the pen moving so smoothly that it doesn't even really seem like I am writing.

   "Alexander, do not transcribe your documents incorrectly simply because you're tired." Thomas chides to me from across the table. I glare at him questioningly, he simply smirks as he gains Washington's attention.

   "Tired?" Washington asks with a distinct sense of curiosity, poorly veiled as he stares at Thomas with impatience.

   "Alexander hasn't been sleeping well these last few nights." Thomas replies simply, his hands resting peacefully on top of one another as he looks Washington in the eye.

   "Jefferson." I snap in warning.

   "There have been a number of personal matters that he has been attending to, which have also left a rather large weight on his shoulders." Thomas continues, not looking at me. "The mental strain is surely inhibiting his ability to sleep peacefully."

   Washington's firm eyes rest on me as I struggle to process just what Thomas is insinuating. "Alexander, if this is about Eliza you simply could have said as much." The room falls silent, my heart is hammering against my ribs as my blood runs thick. I can feel the pressure of both pairs of eyes resting on me, simply adding a sting to my now prickling skin. 

   "I have had enough." I mutter, rising to my feet. Both men look at me with surprise as I quietly walk out of the room without a backwards glance. There is the screeching of chairs as the men rise to their feet, but I don't stop my steady progression down the hallway. It doesn't take long for Thomas's footsteps to shadow mine. He follows briskly after me, not quite catching up with me just yet. I turn a corner sharply before turning into another room just as quickly. I lean flush against the wall as I listen to Thomas's footsteps come to a sudden halt in the hallway. 

   There is not a single doubt in my head that he is trying to figure out just which room I have disappeared into. He knows better than to assume that I would be able to make my way down the hallway that quickly, it probably won't take long for him to figure out my hiding spot and then I will be forced to deal with this strange numbness that he has summoned. 

   His footsteps are slow as he makes his way down the hallway, careful not to disturb any of the nearby offices. I lean back against the wall a bit more, trying to blend in with the shadows of the empty meeting room. Thomas pauses outside of the door, seeming to hesitate for a moment before walking on a little farther. I sink down onto the floor and stare over at the wall blankly. 

   Eliza's eyes peer back at me from the void of my imagination. She always did have pretty eyes. There is such humanity in her eyes, so much hope for the good in life rested in those orbs. A part of me shudders at the thought of never being able to wake up next to those eyes ever again. To never be able to see those eyes shimmer when I tell her that I love her. It is all nothing more than a distant memory to me now. Chocolate eyes replace her eyes and I begin to see a multitude of opportunities for the future resting within those enchanting eyes. 

   I see us taking Philip on camping trips, late night movies, Christmas fettuccine, and thousands of kisses. There is so much that Thomas and I could be together, but I can't get over how easily he had pinned my exhaustion on Eliza. On my divorce. Did he realize that was why I left the room? I suppose that is a possibility, but who knows what is going through his mind right now. Maybe he thinks I found a way to sneak out of the building without him seeing me. That probably would have been the best option, but he most likely would have caught me mid attempt.

   The door opens slowly. I can't find the strength within myself to appear surprised when I see Thomas standing in the doorway. He enters the room with a hesitant slowness, closing the door behind him. He doesn't say a word as he take a seat on the floor across me, his feet brushing against mine as his long legs try to stay on his side of the doorway.

   "Do you want to talk about it?" 

   "There was no need to mention Eliza in that room. She has nothing to do with anything that goes on between you and I, both at home and in this office."

   "Alex, I was just trying to get Washington's attention off of you." He replies quietly. "I didn't say anything about Eliza, I didn't mean for Washington to simply assume that it had something to do with her." 

   "Then what were you talking about if it wasn't me and Eliza?" I question harshly. "What mental strain is keeping me from sleeping?"

   "I was talking about us." 

   "Us?" I whisper. "Is there something wrong with us?"

   "No! Alex just listen." He huffs, dropping his head a little before looking into my eyes. His expression softens significantly when he looks into my eyes. "I know that this is a...rather difficult time for you and it is for me too. I just want you to know that even though you're going through a hard time, its okay to need me. It's okay for it to be a struggle." 

   "Why do you have to make it about you?"

   "I don't know how else to reach you."

   "You're an idiot." 

   "I'm an idiot, simply because I love you." 

   "Thomas,"

   "And I will continue being the idiot because I love you. I don't see that ever changing." He frowns slightly. "I want you to know that I am sorry, truly sorry. I never meant for today to be like this." 

   "I know that." 

   "Then why be upset with me?"

   "I'm not...I'm simply upset with myself." 

   "Why?"

   "There is a lot of emotions that I haven't had a chance to sort through, and now they're crushing me." 

   "I know how you feel." Thomas murmurs. Neither one of us moves as we both sit in comfortable silence. The silence between us offering more comfort than an embrace. Our shared presence granting us a gentle touch of peace as we try to work our way through our own trials. I had been alone most of my life, fighting for myself, now I had two people who were willing to fight tooth and nail for me. One of them is even willing enough to let me go because she knows I could never be truly happy by her side, she has given me away willingly because she knows who will come to claim me.

   "Thomas." I extend a hand to him. He looks at me curiously for a moment before taking my hand, his warm palm kissing mine. I smile slightly as I brush my thumb over his knuckles before leaning forward and pressing kisses along the imaginary line that my thumb had left behind. "I love you." I murmur into his skin. 

   "I love you."