Brave ~ Sequel to Jay Cee El

Chapter Eighty Eight ~ Damn, Did It Feel Great

Here is the next chapter!

Enjoy!

<><><><><><><><> 

Julie's P.O.V              

                The girls were ecstatic when they found out about Johnny and I. However I know that they were a bit upset that it wasn't Harry I was dating, but I also know that they were happy for me. I mean I understand that they want me to be with Harry, but I just can't do that. I don’t want to be with him, do I? No, of course I don't. Ugh, I don’t even know anymore. I'm probably some big ass bitch because I'm using  Johnny to stop the feelings I have for Harry. But… I guess I am. But it won't last. Johnny is a nice guy and I do like him.

                I sighed and shook the thoughts from my head by laying down at my bunk. Due to the short amount of time, and the times we have to be in certain cities, we won't be staying at hotels any more. It's not so bad because our crew and everyone have their own cars, so the only ones in the bus are the girls and I, plus Danny. But he's up with the driver talking about something that I have no interest in. Caitlin's watching TV, some Australian show.  Liz is in the bathroom, Skyping with Niall. I could hear her laughing from my bunk.

                I have no idea where Johnny is. I think he's got something to do for his album and then he'll be with us for the show later tonight. I just wish he was here. Wow, I can't believe how much of a girl I am. Here I am, lying on my bed, whining about how my boyfriend isn't here. Jeez, this is so not me. I guess this is what happens when I spend too much time with Caitlin or Liz. Who always complain about their boyfriends being far away from them. Well, Liz does. 'Cause she's got a boyfriend. But Caitlin doesn't have a boyfriend, but she almost does. I mean her and Louis are talking a lot, so it'll be soon that they finally get together.

                I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and opened up Twitter. Last night Johnny and I tweeted, making our relationship public. We didn't want to  have to hide it, besides, most of the fans already know that there is something going on between us. My mentions were filled with a lot of great things. So many fans love the fact that Johnny and I are together. However there was also a ton of things saying that I should be with Harry. That shit I ignored. I don't need to be thinking about that again. And of course I had the usual hate. Jealous Johnny fans are targeting me for stealing away 'their man'. And I use that term loosely. But I can't blame them. They are just being normal fans.

                As I was scrolling through my feed my phone buzzed, signaling that I was getting a call. It was from Harry. Shit, what does he want? Oh god, should I answer? Of course I should. You're still friends with him and you need to talk to him. So what if you know you're still in love with him. Oh Julie, stop thinking that! I shook my head and answered the call, going against my better judgment.

"Hey Harry, what's new?" I asked, sitting up. The top of my head almost hit the top of the bunk but I was okay for now.

"Nothing, I was actually calling to ask you a question." Harry said. I heard some rustling and then a door close. I guess he was alone.

"Okay, shoot." I said, kicking off my shoes to be more comfortable.

"Do you still love me? Is there any possible way that you still have feelings for me?" Harry asked, making me freeze.

                If I had known this is the way our conversation would go I would never have picked up the phone. I can't believe he just asked me this question. Why? I am moving on. Slowly, yes, but I am moving on. He should do the same. I just need some space to get my thoughts and feelings off of him. But seriously why would he ask this question? I sighed, knowing I can't tell him the truth.

"Harry, you were a big part of my life. An important part, but I've… I've moved on. I can't keep going in these stupid circles all the time. I like Johnny now." I said, mostly lying.

"You can't like him! Do you have any idea how hard I've been trying to get you back to me. I love you Julie, I love you so much and I never stopped. I shouldn't have lied about everything and I shouldn't have let you go. But you can't be with Johnny. He doesn't know you at all! He doesn't deserve you." Harry said.

"And you do? I know it's petty for me to hold on to that stupid lie, but you were the only guy that I ever loved. And you just tossed me aside. I get that you were insecure about things but I wasn't. I knew I wanted to be with you. Okay, I loved you. Hell, I still do but I can't be with you. I'm with Johnny and he would never throw me aside like that." I said.

"I didn't want to, I just did. I wasn't thinking, I was a complete arse. Okay? I'll admit that, and I'll do it again. But Julie, if you love me you should be with me and not Johnny. Please Jules, I'm begging here. I know that I'll never fully deserve you and I shouldn't even be telling you all this shit. But you need to hear this. I love you and I want to be with you." Harry said.

"You can't wait almost six months to tell me this, Harry! I told you once and I'll tell you again, I like Johnny and I'm staying with him. I can't do this again. I can't go through that heartbreak again. Okay, I just can't." I said.

"You can't? You can't go through this again? Do you have any clue how much I regret doing that? How much I kick myself in the arse because of what I did to you? It hurts every damn time that I see a picture of you because I know what I lost. I've tried everything I can do to get you back." Harry said, making tears fill my eyes. I don't want this. I want to be with him but I can't. I can't simply because I don't trust him as much as I did. Friends in one thing, but being a couple is another.

"I'm sorry Harry… I really am." I said. I heard him protesting a little bit more, but I hung up. Within the next few seconds I saw that he was calling back. I took one look at my phone before throwing it against the wall.

                I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head on my knees. My now broken phone was still on the floor, which only made me cry worse. I can't believe that just happened. The urge to call him back and take him back and just be with him again was so strong I almost got up to ask for Caitlin's phone. But I know what would happen. We would get back together and be perfect, but only to break up again. With everything going on, our tours, our fans, it just wouldn't work out. Would it? God, now I'm doubting myself.

                I sighed and wiped my tears off my cheeks. I just need to calm down. I ran my hand through my hair. I need to get my mind off this. But… ugh I just can't. I want him, I really do. I want to be with him because he's… well I love him. But I'm scared of what will happen. I'm scared of the things that might happen between us. I love him just being in my life. If we got back together and our relationship ended, I don't think I could stay with him even as a friend. It would just be too hard. I don't want that to happen.

"Julie? What was the cracking noise?" I heard Caitlin said. The curtain to my bunk was pulled back and I saw Caitlin standing there.

"What happened? Why are you crying? Liz! Get in here!" She said, yelling the last part. I heard Liz saying something along the lines of 'I gotta go, the girls need me. I love you babe' or some shit like that. I couldn't heard exactly.

                Liz opened the door to the bathroom, her laptop in hand, and walked over to us. I sighed, knowing that I had to spill the beans on this one. I can't keep holding in things. I need to tell them this. And for the first time in a long time, I told people the way I truly feel. I told my sisters exactly what I felt and what I thought. And damn, did it feel great.

<><><><><><><><> 

There's the chapter. I can't believe we've only got to left. I think I'm going to cry.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 51K READS AND +1K VOTES!! Omigod that's completely iNsAnE. I love you all so much I really can't even right now. I started tearing up when I say it, I'm not even joking. You can even ask @I_Am_Mrs_HarryStyles

Anyway, so please VOTE and COMMENT my lil' Gummy Worms!!!

~Amanda<3 xXx

--Gif on the side is of Cristine Prosperi, she plays Julie in case you didn't know. haha