Chapter 10- Surprise

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Taylor's POV

Today is Friday, which means Ed's family is coming today. I'm scared. Who's going to want their son with this unraveling, crazy. slut! I can't handle everything. When I sleep he haunts me. When I'm awake I'm in my own personal hell. I try to act like I'm pretty ok, but I think Ed knows. I go into spells of being unresponsive and not eating or talking. I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing. I decide to go hop in the shower. I get in and let the hot water graze over my bruised and battered body. My horrid memories and visions begin creeping in to my mind like they do every time I'm left with me and my thoughts. I realize that salty tears are streaming down my face. I guess what they say is true, old habits die hard. So inevitability I picked up my razor. I used it for it's intended purpose and then removed the blade from it. I dragged it across my skin a few times, bringing back that sickly relieving sensation. I got out and put my arm in a wrap the got dried off and dressed. I was going to put on make up and dressy clothes, but I wasn't feeling too well so I just put on a tank top and sweatpants. I threw my hair up in a pony and then sat on the little bench in my room for a few minutes.

I got up and began to walk out of the room. I stop when I pass by the mirror. I look at myself remembering which occurrence caused which bruise. Then my eyes go in to their ways of picking out each flaw on my body, like my not flat stomach. I feel over my stomach and feel it's flat. What is the matter with me? I am in shape and I never cared about my weight before, but now all I can see is the small bit of fat I have. I dismiss the dilemma and slowly make my way downstairs. I approach the couch and sit down. I hear the clang of dishes in the kitchen. Must be Ed cleaning up. He said his mom was a bit of a neat freak. I decide to go help him out a bit.

"Need some help Teddy?"

"Um... sure just be careful. Don't hurt yourself."

"I won't."

I join him at the sink where we clean the impressive amount of dishes. I notice his eyes go to the wrap that covers the fresh wounds on my wrists. It's not like there's a lot. Just a few and I cut in the same spots to avoid new scars. He stares for a moment then looks away. I catch his eyes as they look at me with pity and despair. I know he hates it. I know I promised to stop, but I'm realizing it's an addiction. I know it's wrong and terrible for anyone to do to themself and I don't want anyone to do it, but at the same time I understand now. I know this is a serious mental problem, but maybe I don't want help. Maybe hurting myself does more good then harm for me. No one ever died from getting a small few shallow cuts when they fall. Why should it be so different when you do it to yourself? It's not like I go deep or where I might kill myself. Just a light mark of release.

I manage to pull myself out of my thoughts to see Ed with tears in his eyes. He catches my glance and walks away and goes wiping counters.

"Are you ok?"

"Yup. I um I have to go get my parents and my brother I'll be back soon. Can you do dinner?"

"Sure. Please be careful."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too."

He tried to walk out but I scampered over and gave him a kiss.

"Bye Teddy."

"Bye Snowflake."

He kisses my forehead gently and then walks out the door. I know it kills him when I hurt myself, but it kills me when I don't.

Ed's POV

I'm driving to the airport to get everyone. I wish she wouldn't hurt herself. I kills me. It kills me that she's trapped in her own personal hell. It kills me when she has those days where she doesn't eat or talk. By the time I get pulled out of my thoughts I arrive at the airport . I see both our families standing there. I get out and my brother, Austin, and I load everyones bags into the trunk. Austin and Matt get in the third row of seats then Andrea, my mother, and Scott get in the back, and My dad John gets in the front with me.

"So how is Taylor?" Andrea breaks the silence.

They all know what happened, but not how bad she is right now.

"Um... Well.....Not very good. Actually horrible."

"Oh dear." All of them commented.

"When she walked downstairs today she had a wrap on her wrist, and we know what that means. I don't know. I know it is a release for her, but it destroys me every time I see it. It kills me knowing that she hurts and I don't know what to do!" I begin crying.

They all console me as I speed to me and Taylor's Nashville apartment. Once we arrive we decide to come get the bags later and just go see Taylor now. Taylor's family hides outside and I take my parents in and let them talk for a few minutes then walks in the Swifts. Taylor lights up and runs to hug her parents and little brother.

A/n: So double update because I really wanted to upload this chapter because I'm quite proud of it! I know that lately the story has been quite sad and serious. The reason I'm bringing in a lot of serious topics is I want to bring awareness to them. I don't self harm or really struggle with an eating disorder, but I still take interest in psychology and why those types of things happen. Please if struggle with any of those things or you need someone to talk to message me or kik me. My kik is in my bio. Anyway updates will be really slow because of the stuff I said in the last chapter and because I want these chapters to be quality therefore I'm taking longer time to write them. I love writing and I need to start taking more time so that I can sort of master my craft. Please do leave some comments about what you like and dislike about the story! It'd mean a lot to get some quality feedback from you! I hope you understand and have a lovely day! (sorry about this long authors note!)

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