The Story of Us-(Sweeran)

Chapter 12: Collateral damage

Taylor's POV 

We all sit down at the dinner table. My nerves are making me lose an sense of an appetite I had. Not to mention I feel like a whale today. Ed, Austin, and Matt took huge helpings, while our parents took moderate portions, me on the other hand, well I wanted to puke just looking at the food. I felt eyes drifting to me as the shoveled food into their mouths. I took small bits of everything. Recieving encouraging looks from Ed, Austin, and my parents. And some diaproving looks from Ed's primp and proper family. The silence was eating me alive. If I had any prayer of getting approal from Ed's family I need to put on the strongest fake smile and try to go deep inside and find my fearless era pep.

"So how was everyone's flights?" I used to spike up a conversation. I caught my mother's look telling me she knew that was for John, Matt, and Imogen.

"It was good, long, but good." John finally shared.

Then Matt piped in: "So Taylor tell us some about yourself." Ed looked a little nervous. Am I seriously that fucked up? I felt Mere rub against me.

"Well,  grew up in Wyomissing on a Christmas tree farm. And my job was to go pick  the bug eggs of the trees so families wouldn't get bugs." Ed's family all giggled. "And when I was 14 we moved here to Nashville and I tried  to get discovered for a while and I finally did and ya. I'm not going to bore you by going through my Carrier details, but ya that's me. What about you guys tell me some about yourself?"

They all went through sharing their stories. They seem very nice. We ate slowly and I managed to eat quite a bit in my distracted state. When I realized I'd had 3 portions and had to try so hard not to cry right then. This was going well, I couldn't fuck it up. 

"So does anyone want wine?" Ed asked.

Everyone said yes including Austin who luckily was just newly 21. Ed went and looked for some to no avail.

"I'll go buy some." Ed volunteered.

"No Ed me and Scott will go. It'll be easier." My mother told him.

"Ok thank you." 

My parents left and we moved to the family room after all of us quickly did the dishes. We sat there chit chatting while watching some charlie brown Thanksgiving movie we all grew up with. Matt and Austin decided to go upstairs and do some work for UNI. 

"I think I'm going to go upstairs and take my meds and do some writing I'll be back." 

They all said ok and Ed came with me.

"How do think it went? Do you like them?"

"They're so nice, I had a good dinner. I just feel sick."

"Are you ok?"

"Just sick from being full."

"Taylor you didn't eat much are you sure your ok?"

"Ya I'm fine. Are you trying to say I have some kind of disorder?" I spoke defensively.

"No. Just checking love."

"Oh alright then. Do your parents like me?"

"I don't know. I'm going to go talk to them."

"Ok. I love you." I pecked his lips. 

We parted ways. I went and took my anxiety meds, pain meds, and weight loss pills. I'm such a whale right now so those are a must if I want to fit my red tour outfits for the European and Asian legs. I go in my bathroom and put on a teeshirt from the speak now tour and some shorts from Ed's  merch store. Then I put my hair in a top knot. I walk to my bed and pull out my song book. I've gotten a few good lyrics. I open to a clean paper and write the words I'm a pretty mess and I don't deserve you

Ed's POV 

"So what do think of Taylor?"

"I like her. She seems like a sweet girl and Austin and Matt really hit it off and her parents are very nice people." My dad says.

"I agree with your father. But I mean Edward. What kind of future do you really see in this girl? I mean I know you love her and she's helped you, but I mean Ed. She's going to pull you back. I mean I feel sorry for her, but at this point she's really just collateral damage."

I don't know what to say. I'm mad, but I suppose she's just looking out for me, but there's no way in Hell I'm leaving the love of my life.

Taylor's POV

"But at this point she's really just collateral damage." 

This shattered me. I was going downstairs, but I knew they were talking about me. So I listened. That's it. I'm obviously a burden to everyone. I'm a mess and I don't deserve Ed. I know suicide is so cowardly and selfish, but against my better judgement  I know in the end it'd be better for everyone. My parents, Austin, Ed, the fans. All of them. Girls don't need to be idolizing me. I hop onto facebook and instagram to share a goodbye message. Then I grab some paper, writing the last suicide note I'll ever write. I say I'm sorry, but that I know in my heart of hearts this is best for everyone. I leave the note and my songbook under Ed's blanket. With it in that place by the time he finds it, it'll be too late. I then go to my bathroom. Taking 13 pills for luck at this suicide attempt. Then I pull out my blade making a few marks. I feel woozy so I wrap my arm and climb under the duvet. I fall asleep in 3 seconds. Looks like this'll be the end of me.

A/n: I just wanted to quickly say sorry the story is so dark rn, but that's how it is. It'll get lighter in a few chapters! Anyway sorry for updating so slow! I had finals and all that jazz, but I'm almost done school so updates will be quicker! anyway I hope you enjoyed and remember 5 comments will make me update quicker! Sorry about the cliff hanger! I love y'all!