36: Finally Over

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ED'S POV

I walk down the street heading to the cafe in Times Square. Tonight could go one of two ways. I'm partial to the first way. She takes me back. I need her so badly. Maybe the wounds were self inflicted. It's my fault for going out, but I need her to heal them. She's like my antidote. As I enter the cafe I go sit in the back. I pull out my lap top to just stalk the internet. I'm there for an hour before a blonde haired figure slinks in. She comes towards me and sits down. She looks down a while before letting her eyes meet mine. Her eyes look weary and her skin pale. She's shaking and she finally speaks something in her shaky voice.

"Hey ed."

"Hello Taylor."

"What am I here for?"

"I needed to talk to you. And whether these words I speak mean anything to you, but if you can't forgive me for how I hurt you, I won't hold it against you."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Do you wanna go talk somewhere where we won't get papped?"

"Ya sure. Where?"

"My hotel."

"Alright I suppose."

We walk out and go to my hotel which is in walking distance. I enter with her closely following me. We find seats on the couches. She stares at me as I try to think of what to say.

"Taylor, I know nothing I say or do changes what I did to you. But maybe this will at least be some consolation to you. I'm 99 percent sure I got drugged that night. I talked to my buddies and they said I only had about 7 mixed drinks nothing straight. It would explain why I can't remember really anything and if I was as sober as they say I was you know for damn sure I would've never done that. I think the chick drugged me." 

Her face was confused she was absorbing everything.

"Are you telling me the truth."

"Always."

"I don't know what to say. That might be the case, but then how come whenever I've seen you, you just look at me like I'm nothing. I thought you just forgot me, just moved on and never thought twice about what we were, what we should be right now."

"Because it was easier to act like you didn't matter, to shut it all out and I thought maybe if I did that it'd help you through it because you'd just move on. But the whole time I was thinking about you and only you and how badly I needed to feel your love."

"But every time I shut my eyes all I saw was that. I felt like just some girl you banged, like what we had was never real. Like I was absolutely nothing to you."

"I'm so sorry." Tears rolled down my face. I never meant for this to happen. 

I get up from the couch and pace. In a state pure hate for myself I sweep everything off the table sending a glass and page after page of song fluttering to the ground.

"Ed!"

"I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry. I fucked up and I know you'll never love me again. And I hate myself."

I run out. I'm not sure where I'm going. But I can't look into those eyes again. I wonder aimlessly ignoring everything. I want it all to just end. I want the world to just stop. Go into a sleep that I'll never wake from. I walk out into the road and just stop. I watch as headlights rush toward me head on. It's finally over. Every mistake, every time I hurt someone especially Taylor will finally go away."

Suddenly the car stops short of me. I expect a hurried honk or a pissed new yorker, but instead a distraught Taylor emerges from the SUV. She runs to me in her heels. 

"Oh my god Ed!" She yells.

I burst out crying. 

"Why did you stop Taylor! Why didn't you just let me die. I just wanna die, please just let me go." I plead.

She pulls me into the back seat of her SUV. Her driver remains stoned faced and begins driving. Taylor asks him to close the partition and then looks to me. She remains quiet, just holding  me to her as months of emotions flow out in the form of salty tears.

"Shhh it's okay I'm here now." She coos. 

So sorry for my lack of updates!

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