Hidden Truths - Ethan

6 - The Maid

"Are you really that unconscious?" Tristan quietly asks before he caresses my neck with his lips. "Do you really think I would drop you, just because you made a mistake?" he keeps asking and I really do not know what to think of these questions.

"There is a reason, why I never made one, to find out..." My whispered answer does not seem to be satisfying for him. He searches a bit of distance, just enough to take my chin and force me to look into his eyes. I am surprised that all of a sudden his face is so close.

So close... I can nearly see the ground of the ocean in his warm glowing blue eyes. With certain strictness but a soft and calming tone, he lectures me. "We all make mistakes, Ethan. And if you don't allow yourself to make them, you will destroy yourself," his face looks a little worried, "and that is the only thing I can't allow you to do."

I realize that I held my breath since he started staring at me. I think I cannot stand that look and the blame. The last few decades, where it was much quieter than the years before, I started to keep my distance from people, from my feelings, and from him. I feel so bad, yet it feels so good.

While the thoughts work through my brain and Tristan is watching me with that honest worry for me I cannot believe I did not see that before. Various occasions flashing up in my mind, where I am not sure anymore if it was me protecting him or the other way around. Is it possible...?

I try not to blink as an unfamiliar feeling makes my eyes burn. This situation is plain stupid, is it not? A single tear runs down my cheek as if something in me is about to break and I cannot hold it in. My world just made a harsh jolt. What did he say?

It is alright.

I keep repeating that in my head as I just close my eyes and the gap between our lips. Tristan returns the kiss, still holding me close. It is another foreign feel that I knew once and comes back to life now. A feeling of warmth and reassurance that I banned before to avoid the inevitable pain it brings.

He leans his forehead against mine when his lips draw away from mine. "I guess it was about time someone got you out of this state you put yourself in." He smiles at me. Am I allowed to be happy now? I can still feel the touch of his lips lingering on mine. I should not have done this. This was not supposed to happen, but it did.

What should I do now? My mind drifts away again, as Tristan finally start to let go of me and places another soft kiss on my forehead. I am not able to say anything, so I just keep silent.

What should I say to that? This is the way I am. He should know that already. I have never been different while I was on his side, or was I?

Tristan finally moves his hands down to lead me into the next room where his bed is. The moment, when I am about to panic what this may mean, his hand slips out of mine. Leaving me standing in the room and feeling as vulnerable as a newborn. The uncertainty is crawling from my stomach into my throat and leaving no air for me to breathe.

"Stay with me today. I do not expect anything. Okay? Just stay," he says to me while getting rid of his shoes and jacket to lay down more comfortable. I gulp, but I said it, right? I promised it. I straighten out instead of giving an immediate answer.

I am a grown man and so is he. Times were far rougher than they are now and this was not a problem back then, why should it be now, right? I slightly wrinkle my forehead as a little headache starts to pulsate there.

What an unholy situation. I start a badly acted smile. "I said I'll stay, and I will." Looking at the direction of the next room, I remember about the unlocked door. "You should lock your door," I point out, before mechanically moving into Tristan's direction to take off my shoes and jacket as well.