Hidden Truths - Ethan

31 - The Duality

Every fiber of my body aches due to that horrible ride home. I'm glad that the horse knew its way home better than me because I actually seem to have forgotten what it means to lose too much blood.

I must have lost my mind to think I would have needed that fight. Lyall already gave me a way out. All I had to do was to turn around and walk away, but whom I try to fool? I already had troubles to hold back to only mark her instead of taking her soul.

My vision was sliding in and out the whole while I was riding that stupid yet wonderful horse home and I know I should go to talk to Jacque but it's not safe right now. How can I expect anybody to trust me while I'm the best to know that I can't be trusted at all? I'm not Tristan's moon, I'm his demise. Shoving the thoughts away, I need a bit of sleep and a bottle of blood.

The second one is easy to acquire and I'm working on the first one very hard. My mind plays tricks on me as I see figures in the blurry dark edges of my room. It was good that Eve came to find me, otherwise, I would have to close the wounds in a much more painful way. Handling a heated knife with the hope to aim correctly at the first attempt, would have been tricky. I can't risk getting another fever. All I need is to sleep... a bit of peaceful... sleep.

***

"Father, when will mother come home again?" the big brown orbs of my little boy look at me with anticipation. Reaching out my hand to mess up his golden hair I smile.

"Soon, potato. You know that mother is a busy woman, right?" I lie. I never know when or if she will come back, but that shouldn't be his burden to carry. So far she always did, even though it never takes long until we start another fight and she leaves us with a pouting face; or with an angry one; or crying. It's the worst when she leaves crying and I

always feel the urge to follow her, but I can't. Someone needs to take care of Tobias.

Last time she didn't even say a proper word of goodbye and I know it makes him sad. It's been over three months now. Maybe this time she won't come back at all, maybe she finally found someone else who can give her what I never will be able to do. Thinking about my turning, it nearly took her eight years to find me again. I love her and want her to be happy, but I won't let her drag our boy into our world.

"But what about practicing a bit with the bow?" I try to distract his mind and he grins.

"Okay!" It's so easy to make him happy. He really is a good boy.

"Alright, have you been able to figure out what you want to name your bow?" I told him last time to think about a name for his weapon because only weapons with meaningful names can help a great man to achieve his goals.

I smile as he hesitantly nods. "So, what is it?" I want to know and he is a bit hemming and hawing. "You don't want to tell me?" he then shakes his head. I take the two different bows out of the shelf. Stepping outside with him, I take one of the lit torches with me and fire up the ones in front of our little cabin in the woods.

After traveling around the first year with a baby I decided that it was not good for the little one to never stand still. So I started building the cabin. And then I had to rebuild it, after the first one was leaking. I made so many errors that it was a threat to all of us. This one now is safe and further away from the cliffs and the sea.

This was also about the time when Gwendolyn and I started to have different views on how to raise a child. I never really had a place I could call home when I was little.

Even though the castle where I grew up half in a cell half on the edge of getting beaten to death was the place I spent most of the time, I'd never call it a home. It was a prison and I had to work on the battlefields to even been given food. I will never let my boy lack of anything like that.