radiance | baekhyun

59

01:58.

back at chanyeol's. 

still shaking. 

baekhyun wasn't sure how he'd actually managed to keep control of the steering wheel on the way home. the sparking lights had remained, all around his vision, crowding his brain and flooding his mind with an inability to utter correct statements. the mirage of the flames burning replayed in front of him. couldn't get rid of it. 

lips trembled. 

and as he pulled, very precariously, into the driveway, noticing roma's shifting in the backseat, the thudding of his heart against his chest was all he could hear. all he could decipher. chanyeol had been seemingly frozen to his seat, which was ironic. he hadn't uttered a word. 

"i'm going to go for a walk," chanyeol admitted, with a whisper and a shudder. 

was already undoing his belt. 

"where?" baekhyun's questioning response pierced the thickened atmosphere. 

eyes interlocked. 

a fusion of a burning, dark and bright, fiercely powerful orange to a deepened auburn, filled with golden specks of flickering illumination. 

all chanyeol did in response was throw the house keys into baekhyun's lap, and they landed with a loud metallic sound, followed by the rushed crunch of gravel beneath his feet, and the slamming of the door. and the distancing pattern of chanyeol's long and powerful strides, away from them and his home.

night silence. 

roma's breathing was heavier than baekhyun had realised. 

i'm so sorry. i'm so fucking sorry.

cut the engine.

outside, the air seemed to tremble in time to every one of baekhyun's movements, tremors reverberating around. baekhyun gulped down the lump in his throat. sweat poured from his forehead, trailing down his cheeks, the salty, uncomfortable taste reaching his mouth. reminders.

as she stepped outside, too, her hands were immediately clinging to his, despite the heat of the risen humidity. touching him to make sure that he was still real, and that he was still here. he held her close to him, wrapping his arms around her back and waist, burying his head into the crook of her neck. 

"i'm so sorry, roma. i'm so, so, sorry. please, i'm sorry," he was mumbling, into the warmth of her skin, his grip becoming tighter and tighter. the heat was making him incomprehensible. he bit back the tears beginning to form. 

"why are you sorry?" she spoke timidly, practically peeling herself from his skin. still held onto his arms. 

"what do you mean, why am i sorry?" he answered incredulously, letting out a light laugh. 

"baekhyun, this isn't your fault."

for some reason, he felt angry. and he saw fire again. angered at her naivety, sometimes. at the fact that she just took things as they were. only sometimes. but also, he wasn't thinking straight. the heat of the environment was also getting to him, distorting his thoughts and words, blurring the lines between the real and the imaginary, combining the colours. 

"for fuck's sake, yes, it is my fault!" 

his sudden outburst was met with frightened eyes and trembling lips, as roma pulled away, scared of him, perhaps. he looked at her; mouth hanging open slightly, hair billowing in wisps around the outlines of her shining face, a look of determination stretched into her exhausted features.