radiance | baekhyun

68

16:19. 

she hadn't wanted to wait; overcome with emotion and confusion and everything else there was to feel in between. 

and she hadn't cared that mia was in the room. 

her fingers had fumbled for baekhyun's number, face grimacing at the embarrassing number of missed calls that she'd purposefully ignored from him. he was in london. her heart was racing as she pressed the phone to her ear. could barely comprehend that he was within such close proximity. 

acting upon instinct. not something that roma usually did. her body was so drained that her mind couldn't decipher a more sensible solution. 

typically, there was no reply. rang and rang and rang until voicemail. automated; wasn't even his own voice. she was in a frenzy, wanting to hear him so badly. wanted an apology and anything, really. desperate desire to hear the explanations.

"for fuck's sake," she'd sworn, angrily slamming the phone down on the table. 

perhaps she didn't have a very valid reason to be angry. but then again, perhaps she did; he'd left her. she hadn't known what to do. roma had begun to bite her nails from anxiety and sadness, trying to cope with all of the thoughts swimming in the sea of her nerves and indecisiveness.

mia had removed roma's hand from her mouth.

"roma, don't stress, okay." 

her eyes were wide, and she appeared taken aback by roma's sudden unstable outburst, slightly alarmed. roma still felt guilty for keeping her uninformed. she had to calm down; her chest was heaving and her eyes were darting across the room. 

"you're tired and emotional right now. call him tomorrow, honestly," mia had said in a cautionary and knowing way, almost as if from experience. 

roma had breathed, counted, and listened. mia had been right.

"okay," roma had exhaled out, letting her arms drop to her sides. 

the night had been a sleepless one. mia had left, making sure roma was fine before she did, carefully shutting the door. a fuzzy dark-blue had taken over the night, the stars and moon smothered by the smog and city life; greyish clouds in the midnight sky.

not fine.

tears rolled down her quivering cheeks, as she'd sat on her bed, stupidly calling him again because she didn't know how else to react to what mia had told her. checked more times than she should have to see if he was online. last seen today at 18:38. roma had turned to the side, to see that it was now almost one in the morning. 

cried. 

felt so ridiculously stupid and pathetic.

huddled her arms around her legs, her head in between her hands, the light from the moon illuminating the strip of carpet--otherwise, everything else had been dark. 

she'd been woken up as usual by her mum knocking on her door to let her know that she was going to work; she'd left her some jobs to do around the house, and wouldn't be home for dinner. mum always left a note. roma never understood why. her obliviousness was perhaps a blessing in certain situations.

her mum had flashed roma her usual tight smile through the crack of her slightly-ajar bedroom door, then had exited with a hurry and the sound of thumping as she went downstairs. 

roma had squeezed her eyes shut.

a blur. 

memories intertwined and overlapped. all at once and not enough. feelings and sentiments wrapped up in the replaying sensation of last night; all of the darkness, and all of the creeping shadows, behind her, everywhere.