radiance | baekhyun

61

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"i have to sort some things out." 

he'd said that, while frantically packing, but stopping to look her dead in the eye at the same time; transmitting information to her, in a way that made it near impossible for her to argue against his reasoning. couldn't make sense. 

glassy eyes and trembling breaths, and somehow she'd managed to get a grip and grab her own suitcase and pile in everything that she had managed to bring with her. seemed such a long time ago now. everything that had been strewn across the room, remnants of the tumultuous nature of their interactions. everything and nothing that mattered.

baekhyun had continued to apologise, over and over again, and roma had tried--was still trying--her hardest to understand. and she did. always did. just couldn't quite put it into a formulated sentence, that would make baekhyun see how much he meant to her. the tension it took to stop herself from crying in front of him, as they both packed, was almost heartbreaking. 

the constant, reassuring, deeply promising, touches from baekhyun were almost unbearable, as he swept the house clean of their presence, piling their belongings heavily in the front foyer. each thud of the suitcase landing on the marble managed to startle her, heart in her throat. the sun beamed heavily onto every object, burning everything in its path. 

recollections of him, with a stern and concerned expression spread across his face, his hand clasping his phone to his ear. a muffled yet deep and intent voice communicating a tone that made roma nervous and sad; on edge and unable to think or concentrate properly. 

once the phone was out of his hand, he'd look at roma, placing his arms heavily upon her shoulders. dark, wide eyes. staring right into hers. mouth opening, as he tried to form fluid sentences. 

"i've booked you a flight back to france," he'd spoken, never leaving eye contact. "and...i will have to stay here."

roma tried to take a non-conspicuous, sharp intake of breath. calming herself down. 

silence and the world passed. seemed like an eternity. 

"but...it's almost the end of august. i have to go back home to england," she spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact, looking down. 

she needed to call mia. 

suddenly, all of these thoughts flooded her mind. she had to go back home. being with baekhyun had made her forget every responsibility she had. and here she was, in a foreign country, having followed him stupidly just because he'd kissed her and made everything better and told her--she shook her head. she couldn't breathe. 

left her job. left home. left her best friend. and he'd said he loved her, but none of that mattered so much anymore. god, how could she have been so stupid and naive? 

"i'm sorry. i'll say it over and over, roma...i wish there was a way i could fix everything." 

he meant it. 

it was all too much to take in; to make sense of. 

the sincerity and depth and everything else in his facial expression went beyond promises. so much so that she really wanted to despise him right now. wished she had it in her; to shout at him, to let him know, throw something. time to stand up for herself properly. 

but she couldn't. 

roma merely nodded, as his hand glided over her cheek. strong grip. promises. sometimes she wondered how different things would have been. 

"okay," her lifeless voice had uttered, barely above a whisper.

defeated. 

he hadn't even driven her to the airport. instead, given her her bags, ordered a taxi, pressed a heavy kiss to her quivering lips. the heat: intense and too much, overriding her awareness of her surroundings and happenings. his mind had been elsewhere. the constant shifting glances and inability to stay in one space for more than a minute.