Concentrate.

Chapter Fifty-Four...

Why Didn't I Notice?
5 Days Later.

It's been 5 days since my brother took his life. I refused to see Demi, Lauren, Dinah, Vanessa and, Kehlani. I didn't want to see anyone. I barely ate or slept, I'm trying to work out why he did this, why was he so unhappy and why didn't he speak up? I told Marissa to keep everyone away. Camila Mendes and James had been dating since I played on Riverdale. I haven't seen her either. Demi pleaded for Marissa to let her in but I told her no. I'd only do something mean or say something mean. It's 4am and I get a text message.

4:13am
From: Demi Lovato
Hey, I know you refused to see me and aren't even answering my calls or texts; but please know I'm worried about you, I'm scared you're not gonna come back to me. I'll give you all the space in the world but just let me know you're okay and if you need anything. I'm so sorry about James. I am, I wish I could do something. Just please give me a sign that you're okay. I love you, baby 💗.

Part of my smiles at her consistency, another part of me feels guilty for shutting her out. I look at a picture of James and I on my bedroom wall...

4:17am
To: Demi Lovato
Please come over.

4:17am.
From: Demi Lovato
I'm on my way.

I don't reply knowing she's more than likely already driving. Soon enough I hear a small knock on the door. I slide my Yeezy's on and walk downstairs to the door. I open the door and she looks at me. I go to say something but she just opens her arms and welcomes me into them. She hugs me tight like I'm going to break and that's exactly what I do "Why him?" I cry "Why didn't he speak to me?" I ask between sobs "It's okay, I've got you" She whispers. She closes the door behind me and we sit on the step outside of my house. It's 4:56am and we're sat outside. She wraps her arm around me and I look down at her foot once I've contained myself s little "What happened to your foot?" I ask hiccuping "I fractured it" She says, I let out a small laugh "You drove with a fractured foot?" I ask looking at her, she nods "You needed me" She says "But your foot?" I state "I could have broken wrists and legs but I'd still find a way to get to you if you needed me" I hear her say. I look up at her "I love you so much. I'm so sorry I shut you out" I say to her, she shakes her head "I know you needed space. I just needed to make sure you were okay, Marissa wasn't really letting me know" She replies. I lean up and peck her lips and she deepens it a little until we just sit there. "He left me a note specifically" I state after around 5 minutes of comfortable silence "Did you open it?" She asks, I shake my head and pull it from my pocket "I can't bring myself to know why he did it" I state "It'll help you get closure, I'm not forcing you to open it but it will help" Demi says... "Can I read it out?" I ask, I feel Demi nod... and I start to open the envelope, my hands are shaking and Demi kisses my head.

Dear Sophia,
               I'm almost certain you're opening this after it's happened. I want to begin by apologising, I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so sorry I caused you pain. I'm sorry I used to steal all your candy when we were younger. I'm sorry I used to make you pick up the poop because I didn't want too. I'm sorry I wasn't your big brother when you needed me the most. I ask of you not to worry, I'm okay. I'm happier now, I'm peaceful and I'm not hurting anymore. I know you're wondering why. Why would I do this selfish act to my family, to my girlfriend and to my friends. The truth is, I've been unhappy since I was 13, I used to have bad thoughts, I used to hurt myself because I didn't like myself. I'm so sorry I never spoke up but I couldn't, everyone thought I was happy. I felt peace when I met Jenna and it stopped for a while until I knew what she wanted from me, she wanted my money and to keep her, I gave it to her. When we broke up I hit the bottom, there was no worse than that. I moved home to find peace but it made things worse. I met Camila and I thought she was the best thing but I didn't deserve her, I wasn't good enough for her. I'm sorry I hurt mama, papa and abuela but I'd much rather be with grandpa. I'm so sorry. I promise to never let anyone hurt you, Sophia. Never. I love you, mija.