The Diary of Existing

FIVE

FIVE

"You can't just take her without my permission! I have full custody!" When my mother arrived it took 30 minutes before one of the nurses came into my room and told me that Dr. Arbour had wanted me inside that office as well. The session became a family session, but it was mostly just my father and mother hashing things out. My father was doing his part of being quiet and patient on the side but I could see his hands becoming fists, his knuckles turning white as he was completely angry with my mother. Alice wasn't anywhere in sight, apparently Dr. Arbour had suggested that she not be here in order to not rile up my mother. If only she knew that it just took the mention of the father's name to do that.

"She's my daughter too Lily." My father said and my mother scoffed. She placed a hand on her forehead. "I'm taking her to England with me Christopher. I have full custody and there is nothing you can do about it." My mother said as she looked at Dr. Arbour. "Why is she looking at you?" My father asked Dr. Arbour. Dr. Arbour cleared her throat. "Ms. Rose and I have had this conversation before. She had told me two months ago that she was intending to move to England permanently considering she was there most of the time. And she had asked me to start working on Alex a bit more. To give her a better assessment of Alex's condition." Dr. Arbour said.

That came as a shocked to me. But it did explain some of my sessions. It explained how I always had more sessions than the other girls who were more problematic than I was, and why Dr. Arbour seemed as if she pressured me a lot to open up and be a bit more expressive and to treasure the moments with the other girls. I wonder if anyone else knew. I don't even know what any of this truly means. I don't even understand completely why I'm here.

"Does my daughter even understand her condition? Why she's here? Why she has to be with other girls who have more issues than she does? Does she understand what is going on? Because from what I remember is my daughter was forced into this institution by my ex wife." My father voiced out.

Well, I co-signed the agreement to be here.

"She co-signed the papers." My mother corrected him. "And Alex doesn't need to have to understand. All of this was explained to her on her first week of sessions. Maybe if you actually visited more you'd be aware." My mother told my father off. She was right. My first week here Dr. Arbour went straight on and told me why I was here. We discussed everything. I knew I had depression and severe anxiety. I knew that I was socially awkward and one thing I knew that none of them did was that I hated people, I hate humanity, I hated everyone.

"I may not have been here all the time Lily, but I damn well know that just because you decide to move to another part of the world doesn't mean that it will fix my daughter just in time for it." My father said as he looked at both my mother and Dr. Arbour. "I'm going to be recommending her to a great psychiatrist over there. I myself will check with Alex once a week just to see if she's improving. Me and Ms. Rose have already spun an agreement that if things go array, Alex will be brought back here. These are things that I obviously need to discuss with Alex alone." Dr. Arbour said. I felt overwhelmed by the things that I was hearing. I didn't even know where to begin.

"Can't we just talk about it now? I'm here and so are my parents. Might as well just talk about it all now." I said and I could see the unease with Dr. Arbour. I saw her movements, her reaction, how hard she tried not to react with her face. She closed the leatherbound book and placed it on top of her desk. She clasped her hands together and looked at me.

"Because you're moving to England and we understand that you aren't completely well enough. Of course these things can't simply be fixed overnight but I was compelled at the idea that maybe moving to another country where everything will be a fresh start might be good for you." That is obviously easier said than done. "Of course I have a psychiatrist whom I trust and once worked here, and I will be recommending you to her. She has a successful practice back in England and this could be a great step for you Alex." Oh great, another shrink, Dr. Arbour version 2.0 "I have agreed to have phone sessions with you and every year I do travel back to England and I am willing to meet with you in person as well. I know all of this information seems overwhelming. But I know you'll be okay." I guess you'll be part of my life forever.