The Diary of Existing

TEN

TEN

Being here I felt like everything I thought about this place wasn't true. I felt like I had judged the place too quickly. When I first arrived Jacqueline wasn't reserved. She was more open to me and she spent the day touring me around. She introduced me to her friends, and we all hung out in our room and talked. The girls told me about the boys from the other side. I felt like an actual normal teenage girl at this very moment. I had a group of girls talking to me like I was just one of them. Jacqueline was making sure I was involved more in the conversation. I was a bit more quiet and paid more attention listening to them rather than talking. And these girls didn't seem to mind because they had a lot to talk about.

But it was nice. It was innocent, pure and actually fun. I was genuinely laughing at their jokes and stories. Avidly listening to the things they had to say, and I actually wanted to be there at that moment. I didn't wish for the conversations to end or wished that they all had shut up. I didn't, I actually wanted them there in the room striking up a conversation with me. I didn't feel the urge to push them away at all. It felt really different.

When night struck Jacqueline and I, along with her friends, made our way to the dining area. The girls were ahead of us and me and Jacqueline were at the back. She told me about herself, her family and where she came from. She came from a small village called Horton in East Dorset. Her grandparents were the breadwinners of her entire family, her grandmother made a living off of knitting. Her grandfather helped along and they had separate finances. She told me that her father had bounced from one foster home to another, and that his only family is her mother and grandparents. Her mother was an only child like her, and because she was the only living granddaughter they had, there was importance put into her education. So much so that when her grandfather passed away all of his earnings were put into her education, which explained why someone like her from a small village with a population of less than 700 was able to attend a prestigious boarding school.

When we got to the dining area Jacqueline and I sat together. As I looked across the room it felt like I was in one of those Harry Potter movies, but smaller. I had expected more students, considering how large the property was, but there actually wasn't that many. In our grade level there was actually only 150 of us. We were considered the largest out of all grade levels. I saw in one of the tables was headmistress Edwards and a couple of the teachers. Ms. Thompson was to her left, and her assistant was to her right. They all said a prayer together, it was like a chant. I just stood there, my hands together. I was never religious. I never really identified with any. My parents themselves weren't religious and never tried to instill it in me. The most religious person I know is Amanda, she was a Mormon but she no longer practiced it.

After the prayers we all sat down. Dinner was chicken, with a side of rice, mashed potatoes with a bit of gravy and mixed vegetables. We were given mushroom soup and a glass of water. It looked simple and distasteful but it was actually really good. The once quiet room was now roaring with sounds of not just utensils crashing on the fine plates but the voices of girls talking and laughing. Even headmistress Edwards and the faculty were laughing. I noticed that the caretakers were eating with us at the same time, talking amongst themselves

"Are you good?" Jacqueline asked and I nodded my head, a small smile along with it. It felt nice just sitting there and blending in. Every one of these girls were laughing, smiling. They were all fairy happy people. It was so different from the institution. At the cafeteria back there, majority of the girls were miserable. They had dead looks on their faces, emotionless. A couple of them had too much emotion. There were nights when a girl would randomly scream or lash out. Julia once threw her plate across the room, hitting one of the girls, just because the gravy on her mashed potatoes were touching the corn. It was a huge gap coming from that to this.