The Diary of Existing

TWENTY FOUR

TWENTY FOUR

The week rolls by and I wasn't looking forward to my sessions with Dr. Palmer. When I entered the first day of the session for that week I felt a pit on my stomach. But I tried to soldier on and force myself to put up a front that will prove her wrong about how I was unfocused, even if I knew I wasn't. The Friday and Saturday sessions felt like a breeze. I spoke more, tried to bring out my emotions more and tried to stray away from conversations that involved Morgan or Sarah's names.

I will admit, that things had felt awkward for the first few minutes. It was like back to square one with Dr. Palmer, that session but my relationship with her at the beginning, and it was an awkward feeling but it happened and there was no turning back. I just had to swallow in what it gave me and just push forward with everything and try to do better.

When Sunday rolled by, the entire car ride there I kept debating whether or not I was going to bring up about the Christmas thing. Yesterday, Saturday, Henry finally asked me to spend Christmas with him and his family along with Angel, Morgan and a friend of his I've yet to meet. He told me it was fun, that his dad was pretty cool and would actually love to meet me. Apparently, Alice talks about me to his dad often. Which is my mother found out, she would try to find a way to sue Alice for talking about her child. I don't know how but my mother would probably find a way.

When we got there, I just sat there, my mind elsewhere thinking about the Christmas. I had let my mother go on and on like she always does on Sundays. But I could tell that Dr. Palmer can notice that something was going on in my head, I was completely distracted.

"Alex, what are you thinking about?" she cut my mother off who turned to look at me. I didn't even hear her. My mother had to tap my shoulder to get my attention.

"Nothing." I said and tried to fix the skirt I had on. My mother looked at me, she knew something was up and so did Dr. Palmer. The two just stayed quiet and waited for me to answer. There was just awkward stares, it was now or never.

"I was just thinking about Christmas." I blurted out and my mother looked confused.

"We're spending it in our new home. The first Christmas at Holmes Chapel. Amanda's spending it with us like always, I'm throwing my famous party and having our family friends come over." My mother said, as if I had already known this.

"I was thinking of spending it with my friends." I said and my mother looked surprised. Dr. Palmer too, but her surprised look seemed more positive. Maybe, I should swing this in my favor. Take advantage.

"Your friends aren't family. Christmas is for family. You can vacation with them but not on a holiday like Christmas." My mother said and I needed to swing this in my direction. Dr. Palmer looked hooked, and I wanted her to be on my side on this one. I needed this win, I wanted a mother-free Christmas and even if it meant spending it with Alice, hell is going to have to freeze first.

Wait. Alice?

"Technically, it is with family." Alice. Technically Alice is family. She's with my father, my father is family. Alice is his girlfriend, she's talked about me with her dad. Aren't they considered family?

"What are you talking about?" My mother asked. I smiled at her and Dr. Palmer.

"My friend, he's Alice's younger brother. Alice, my father's girlfriend. My father might be there, so it is with family. Alice is family, meaning my friend Henry, her younger brother, is family too." I said trying to make sense of it. I just see Dr. Palmer nod her head. Was that a yes for her?

All I heard was my mother scoffing at the idea. She sat down, crossed her legs and sighed. She gave me a disappointed look. I've never seen one from my mother in a long time. It was usually just her regular face, but this one was an actual disappointed look directed at me. Should I feel bothered by it? Because if I'm being honest, I'm not and I don't care.