The Diary of Existing

FIFTY

FIFTY

"It's getting pretty late. Won't Jacqueline worry?" Henry asked.

We've been sitting on the same spot for about 3 hours now. Most of the girls have gone to bed at this point, some are still up in their rooms. But everyone was asleep. All lights were off. It was now darker than usually on our spot.

"Don't worry about her. She was doing a lot today, barely saw her, she'd probably be too sleepy to even realize I'm not in the room yet." I said softly.

I hear Henry sigh. I know he isn't tired, tired in general or just sitting here watching me wallow in my pain. That wasn't the sigh of a tired person. That was the sigh of someone who wanted to tell me something.

"You want to know something that has been bothering me? Since the day we met, again." Henry said, emphasizing on the fact that we weren't new to one another. That we were essentially familiars, except I barely remembered him. I sat there and waited for him to speak.

"I've had this strong urge to just be around you. Like, protect you I suppose. It's like I care too much about you. And then it made me realized I really liked you. But then, even with that in mind, it still didn't feel like my thoughts were answered." Henry said.

"My thoughts on why I care about you this much." He added. I turned to look at him, something I haven't done since he sat down next to me. He was looking directly at me. I wonder if he was looking at me this whole time.

"I'm not complaining that I care about you this much. I appreciate it. I like it. I haven't been like this in a long time. I've always had no one to truly care for." There was something in his eyes that told me something.

Sadness.

A type of sadness, that despite my expertise in the misfortunate life, I probably wouldn't understand. And that bothered me. It bothered me that I wouldn't understand, because I want to understand, because I want to know, because this was something I should know. And yet I don't.

We stared at each other for a while, and I found myself doing something I would never do.

With my face utterly confused, I found myself leaning forward towards him and just landing him a kiss. A quick one, quicker than the one he gave me, and probably not as meaningful as the one he had done too. I pulled away, and when I did, my expression was still that of confusion. As if I didn't understand what I had just done, but I mainly didn't understand why I had done that.

"Wow. You're learning." Henry teased, and I looked away as he chuckled. But that chuckle faded instantly.

"I'm sorry, did I offend you?" Henry asked and I turned to him and shook my head.

I gave him the weakest smile I could, and he returned it with furrowed eyebrows, a worried look all over his face. He placed his hand on my cheek. It was very cold, and my cheeks were cold to the touch, meanwhile his hands were warm. A good kind of warm, inviting, comfortable.

It was truly different with Henry. Extremely different than how it is with Wesley. I no longer find Wesley as annoying as before, mainly because my fears have been vanished with how welcoming Claire was. But still, there was something different with Henry. It was as if I yearned from him more. It was, in a way, me trying to challenge Celina. Trying to challenge her distaste for me and my humanity, based on the existence of my mother.

Did I want Henry more than Wesley?

Maybe.

The following morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. My eyes slowly opening, it was greeted harshly by the sunlight. I look at the sidetable, my clock told telling me it was 10:38AM. I turned, panicked, to see that Jacqueline wasn't there. She had been so busy, she didn't really have time to mother me in her caring ways. I wasn't mad at it, I kind of just missed her. My first class had already started and ended, and now my second period had begun and soon enough it will end.