The Diary of Existing

SIX

SIX

The rain is really harsh today. The winds are as violent as they can be. As silent as I want it to be, the sound of the rain hitting the window is the silence that I need. The weather seems to match the vibe of the place recently. I'm a few steps closer to being rid of the anxiety. Possibly.

"What are you writing Alex?" Dr. Arbour's voice echoed. Her office was somewhat more silent than it usually is. The rain is the only sound you can hear, that and the whistling of the wind that accompanied it. I closed my notebook and my eyes were locked on Dr. Arbour's leather bound notebook. Where everything she thinks about her patients are at. "Do you want to exchange." Dr. Arbour teased. I simply smirked. "You'll be leaving by the end of the week, Sunday on the dot. Are you excited?" Dr. Arbour asked and I sighed. "It's a Monday. I don't know if it's socially acceptable to be excited on a Monday." I said and Dr. Arbour nodded as she scribbled on the notebook, her eyes not leaving mine. She had a knack for writing without looking at her notebook. I could only imagine how messy her notes are. I spent two more hours in her office, more than the usual.

By the time my session ended I heard my stomach growl, it was past lunch and all the other girls were already in their classes. Dr. Arbour gave me a pass for my class so I could eat some lunch. I was making my way to the cafeteria as I passed by the conference wing. The door was ajar and I could hear a familiar voice.

It was Sarah.

I couldn't make the words but when I peeked in I saw Sarah and her parents. They were discussing something that I could only imagine upset Sarah. I could see her crying. Angry tears. Her hands were balled into fists. Her mother was quiet, looking away. The jewelry on her hand was glistening. Her father was talking the entire time. I didn't know what they were talking about, I couldn't hear it and I wasn't about to just stay and try to get caught. I made my way to the cafeteria and the mere fact that I was practically wolfing everything down really showed how hungry I truly am. I sat facing the cafeteria door, hoping that Sarah would pass by so I could call her.

But she didn't.

After eating I went straight to my room. I decided to skip the two remaining classes I had, I didn't think it was important anyway. I snuck around to make sure none of the nurses saw me. Not like I needed to considering there was CCTV cameras everywhere. I locked the door to my room, Fiona had a key anyway. I grabbed a book under my bed and decided to read. I initially wanted to continue my writing but I just wasn't in the mood. I heard a faint knock on the door. I ignored it at first but the second time it sounded a bit more. I kept thinking it was the nurses so I chose to ignore it.

"Its me."

I heard Sarah's voice and I immediately jolted up from my bed. I tossed my book on the floor and kicked it under my bed as I made my way towards the door. I opened it a bit, just enough for an eye to peek. "Let me in." She sounded demanding, her usual self. I opened the door completely and as she made her way in I saw one of the nurses flipping through a magazine with earphones on. I closed the door and turned to find Sarah already comfortably laying on my bed. I sat on the floor, my back against my bed.

"My parents came to visit." She said, her voice sounded uninterested. She sighed. "They don't want me anymore." She said and I felt a tad bit confused, but at the same time what she said had answered the questions in my head about what I saw earlier. "They came here to tell me that this was the last time they were going to visit me. I'm turning 18 next week, and that meant that once I finish the program or when the funds they put here in advance runs out the institution can kick my ass out. And I won't have a home to go to, not even a family." Sarah said. Her voice unchanged. I thought I would feel a hint of pain somewhere but I didn't.