The Diary of Existing

EIGHTEEN

EIGHTEEN

"So, can we start fresh?"

Henry put out his hand, waiting for me to shake it. I wasn't sure if I should, but I guess it was the least I could do after I was rude to him. Even if I was being rude because he was beginning to annoy the crap out of me. I took his hand and we settled on a little handshake. He smiled, not letting go. It seemed as if he was waiting for something. And I knew what it was.

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. I apologize." I said and quickly pulled my hand back from him. He chuckled for a bit at my reaction. I turned away from him and he found it amusing. "Okay, since we're starting out fresh. Gotta say, you look good in that dress." He said and I didn't bother to compliment back or say thank you.

"You look like your mother when she was younger." He said and I glared at him. He put his hands up in defense. He wasn't lying. A lot of people say how I looked like my mother when she was my age, but I just hated the comparison. It wasn't just because it was my mother, but it was just being compared in general. All my life that was what my mother did, compare me to other girls and I hated it.

"You don't look like Alice." I said and he nodded his head. There was some awkward silence before I decided to get up. He followed and I tried pushing him away. My hand touched his dress shirt and not only did I notice the quality of the fabric but I noticed even beyond it. I felt my cheeks red, and thank God it was dark.

When we got back Angel and Morgan were still there. We went back inside and I purposely left the three of them and made my way back to Bailey and Hannah. The two didn't ask me about Morgan, but instead asked me if I would smash or pass the guy that was pouring something from a flask down the drinks. He looked like a stick.

Hard pass.

The night ended and I waited for Jacqueline. Everyone else had left and Jacqueline was talking with headmistress Edwards. I could hear them exchanging thank yous and how the event was amazing. It was, boring, but it was beautiful. I saw Angel and Morgan leave last as well, I gave them a little wave. Soon after that Jacqueline was by my side and ready to go. When we got back into our rooms Jacqueline immediately washed off her makeup and went straight to sleep, she was even snoring.

The following day, Sunday, I had left early before Jacqueline could get up. Amanda picked me up from campus and we went straight to Dr. Palmer's office. Once again, the topic of the day was my mother's issues with her life. It started out with Dr. Palmer asking me about the event, I stupidly mentioned that my mother had Amanda arrange for boutiques to assist me, which led her to say how thoughtful it was of my mother to do that, and from there my mother took the wheel and drove the conversational spotlight to her.

I had to sit there, just equally as miserable as Dr. Palmer. In the last few minutes of the session, Dr. Palmer brought up something I wish she didn't. But apparently, had already discussed with my mother.

"Alex, me and your mother discussed about what you had told me. That you wanted to reconnect with old friends?" She clarified and my mother let out a loud scoff.

"Darling, there is no need for you to reconnect with old friends." my mother commented. "Those girls in that institution were never your friends, and before them those girls were half of what the girls in Queen Mary are. Don't look back, look forward." My mother said and I knew that she was only saying that because she knew that majority of the girls in Queen Mary were daughters of politicians, billionaires and prestigious artists. Back in the institution she was forcing me to blend with a girl whose father was a board member in the publishing house that my mother desperately wanted to get into.

That backfired after she found out that the board member she spoke of knew that my father and Alice were having an affair, to which my mother commented on how his wife had to watch out because he was going to leave her for an assistant.