The Diary of Existing

SEVENTEEN

SEVENTEEN

We spent the entire day at that one boutique, not even bothering with the rest. They finally found their dresses and I struggled with mine. Mainly because I didn't see any that suited me, and that I felt disgusting in every single one of them. Confidence was not my strong suit, and neither was trying on dresses in front of strangers and girls who had more perfect bodies than me. Or at least in my perspective, I looked horrible. Despite what other people might say or see, to me, in my eyes, I was trash.

Jacqueline and Bailey had to help me pick the top three, before settling in on simple dress. There was 30 minutes left before we could go, the girls had swiped their credit cards on their purchase, me being the exception. The employee had simply packed my dress for me and told me to come visit again. Once again, Jacqueline, Bailey and Hannah's jaws dropped at what they saw.

"Who are you?" Bailey said as we existed the boutique, laughing and smiling.

We made our way to the meeting point, hopped in the shuttle and headed back to school grounds. The ride back was quiet, most of the girls were tired, probably walking around too much. Jacqueline had her eyes closed while Bailey was still chatting non-stop with Hannah who was trying desperately to keep her eyes open, so as to entertain her friend. Me, I took the chance to just look out the window and see what was there in London.

As we got back, Jacqueline and Hannah were walking ahead, Bailey was right behind them glued to her phone. As I got out, I noticed the same car I saw Morgan get out of. It was just parked in front of the main building and Morgan or the man was nowhere in sight. I still hadn't asked Morgan about it, I wasn't sure how I was going to approach a topic I had no idea or a single clue what the context was. Should I even try and ask her about it? It really isn't any of my business to begin with. I have my own issues, why am I bothering with other people's issues?

"Alex, come on!"

Bailey called out for me, she caught up with Jacqueline and Hannah who were waiting for me as well. I yelled back that I was coming and ran towards them. We headed back into our room and tried on our dresses. Jacqueline, Hannah and Bailey were giggling by the stand while I examined myself in front of the full length mirror. My hands kept sliding down the dress, as if I was smoothing it. It felt weird being in this dress. I haven't been in one that properly suited me. The dress I wore to that little party me and Morgan crashed was a bit too tight on me.

This one fit me perfectly.

Jacqueline stood behind me, I could see her from the mirror and I gave an awkward smile.

"Blue is your color." she commented and smiled wide. Blue really was my color, it bode well with my skin. I used to think that the color washed me out, but I guess it was because my mother was constantly giving me the lightest shade of blue possible.

The social event, still have no clue what the fuck it is, happens tomorrow. Jacqueline and the girls assured me that I was going to enjoy it. I wasn't sure if I should take their word for it, considering that they were nothing like, didn't think like me or understand what I find atrocious. All I had was their word, their assurance based on their word. Hannah emphasized on how I might like some of the boys, to which Bailey quipped and said, and I quote,

They aren't hot. But their wallets are.

Which led to fits of laughter and Jacqueline saying Bailey's name out as if she had heard her cuss for the very first time.

Bailey and Hannah left a few hours later to get some rest, Jacqueline excused herself to check if there was anything else to be done before tonight. I found myself alone in the bedroom and contemplated whether or not I was going to call Sarah and tell her about tonight, or call Amanda and tell her thank you because I knew she was the one who called the shops even if it was charged on my mother's card. Before I could even decide, a text message pops up from my screen.