The Diary of Existing

THIRTY NINE

THIRTY NINE

I didn't know where to go. I didn't feel like returning to my room, because Jacqueline would start asking me what was wrong and I didn't see the need for her to be aware of the tragedy that is my pathetic life. I didn't know where else to go, so I found myself marched all the way towards the gate that Henry and Wesley use when they want to sneak onto the property.

I stood there like a moron. From a distance, there were some of the male students who were preoccupied with a conversation that involved loud laughter. I didn't know why I was here, or what good this would even do but it felt better being here than elsewhere, or anywhere near my mother for that matter. I don't know if she's left the premises yet.

"Alex?" A voice I recognized but didn't want to be discovered by spoke.

It was Wesley.

"Are you crying? Are you okay?" He kept asking with a concern look on his face, and the tone of his voice matched with his facial expression.

I could stand here and tell him. But I didn't want to. I didn't feel comfortable telling Wesley, just like I didn't feel comfortable telling Jacqueline. I just wanted him to go away.

"Alex, tell me, what's wrong." Wesley kept insisting, but I really didn't want to.

"Get Henry..." I whispered and he stood there for a while.

"Speak up, I didn't hear what you said." Wesley said as he placed his ear near.

"Get Henry please." I pleaded and he slowly moved back. The look on his face, I couldn't tell if it was concern or if he was hurt that I wanted Henry and not him by my side right now.

"Okay." Wesley said and reluctantly began to walk, later on running towards a male figure who was sitting by an abandoned fountain.

I watched as their silhouettes began to make movements. I could see Wesley pointing his arm at me, and I assumed it was Henry who he was talking to and moved his head at my direction. He immediately got up and began to ran up to me. The closer he got his face began to clear up in front of me and it was Henry. He looked completely concerned.

The concerned look seemed to be a trend amongst these people around me nowadays.

"Alex, what happened?" Henry asked and I stared him, then glanced behind him. Henry turned his head and there was Wesley, just an earshot behind him. Henry looked back at me and nodded.

"Wes, I need to talk to Alex alone. I'll catch up with you later okay?" Henry confirmed and Wesley's face seemed a tad bit offended at this point. I didn't really have time to consider Wesley's feelings, I just wasn't in the mood to do so. Wesley, once again, reluctantly walked off.

Henry opened the gate and got through. He placed his hand by my shoulder, the other holding my arm as he escorted me to the bench we sat at often. He gently sat me down, pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to me. I took it and wiped my what remnants my tears had left. I breathed in slowly and heavily, to try and ease myself. Henry got on his knees in front of me, which took me by surprise.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Henry asked and his body language just showed me exactly how concerned he was. He could have set next to me, but instead he chose to kneel before me to look me directly in the eye.

I found myself in silence before I was able to open up. I told him my mother was around, and midway I found myself bursting into tears again. I told him, verbatim, everything my mother had just told me. It was all fresh in my head, and I didn't see them leaving my mind any time soon. I watched as the expressions on Henry's face slowly change from concern, to hurt for me and suddenly angry for me.