The Diary of Existing

TWENTY THREE

TWENTY THREE

The following morning was a Monday. I turned to find that Jacqueline was already gone. The clock said it was 7AM. She was either done with breakfast or showering at this point. I didn't feel like eating. I got up, a bit dazed. Was I asleep the entire time? Did I fall asleep? What time did I fall asleep? I couldn't remember anything.

I looked at my desk and the food was still there, untouched. I got up slowly from bed, still in the same clothes I was wearing yesterday. I picked up the paper bag filled with food and exited our bedroom. I threw it at the trashcan by the hallway, where all the girls throw the snacks they take to their rooms. We weren't allowed to throw food in trash cans inside our rooms, not even candy.

I walked up to the bathroom and it was crowded with all the girls. Some were rushing. I couldn't figure out which of them was Bailey or Hannah. I couldn't even see Jacqueline. I simply hopped in a shower without thinking and just started bathing. I didn't even realize that I hadn't brought a towel. I just got in, turned the faucet and let the water just sprinkle down on me.

I heard the shower door open, and there stood Jacqueline. She was all dressed up in her uniform. Her facial expression showed so much concern. She looked so worried. How did I deserve to meet someone like Jacqueline? Who despite the stuff I said and the way I treated her or the fact that I ditched her for someone she didn't even like to begin with and still she treated me like her friend, how did I deserve her.

"Alex, you're wearing your clothes. You're going to get sick, the water is too cold." She said as she quickly stepped in and turned the faucet off.

"I didn't wake you up because I thought you weren't feeling well. You were asleep when I got back in the room and you were so pale. You still are, your eyes are red. Were you crying?" When she asked me that I wasn't even sure. Was I crying? How could I tell after being under the cold shower.

"If you aren't feeling well, stay in bed and I'll let the clinic and our teachers know." Jacqueline said and I shook my head. I grabbed my towel and shower caddy from her and placed it on the side. I told her I was fine, that I was going to take a shower, get ready and get to class. I told her to go ahead, because I didn't want to make her late for her classes. She insisted but I said no.

I slowly felt myself feeling a bit more normal. I was still feeling down, the same way basically, but it was more toned. I had full control of my body and half of my mind at this point. Getting out of the shower was refreshing, maybe it was all I needed. I grabbed my bag and headed for my first class. Granted, I didn't pay attention still. I did that for majority of the classes.

It was computer now, and it was self-study period. The teacher was on her desk just on her phone. Everyone else was either doing their work or something else. I stared at my computer, Jacqueline was busy finishing her English essay. She was completely focused. When something popped up.

Morgan E. Messaged You.

When I saw the letter E I almost forgot that it stood for Edwards. I forgot that she and headmistress were related. This was something she detailed to me when she told me about her father abusing her sexually. I didn't even question her about what it was like having the headmistress as an aunt. Maybe I should?

Where were you yesterday?

Was what her message read. I didn't even bother to look back to see if she was looking at me. She probably was, I could feel it. I placed my fingers on the keyboard but I didn't even know what to say actually. Should I tell her about the fact that I wasn't going to get my trust fund?

I completely forgot your E stands for Edwards. What's it like having the headmistress as your aunt by the way? Do you have any perks?

I decided not to.