The Diary of Existing

FIFTY SEVEN

FIFTY SEVEN

Anger.

That was all I could feel at that moment. I was literally seeing red. I was so angry, angrier than I've ever been. So angry that I can't even get myself to say anything. All I did was yell for Henry to go away. And he just stood there like a moron staring at me. And I wanted to yell it one more time, but I was just exhausted at this point, that I didn't even care if people on the other side of the street were seeing me on my knees.

"Alex..." Henry tried to call out once again and this time I was just crying out of frustration. I was so frustrated that tears were beginning to stroll down my cheeks. He was so stubborn, so stubborn that he couldn't simply pay attention to what I had ask and go away.

I put my hands up in defeat. I was just tired and he didn't seem like he was going to go away any time soon and I just didn't have any energy left to fight him. I slowly pushed myself up from the ground, ignoring the dirt that was on my knees, and walked past Henry back inside. I was just glad that no one was there to even give a damn about the way I looked, and I just found myself back into the same room where me and Morgan were arguing earlier.

I settled on one of the pastel blue chairs. I just allowed myself to sink into the chair, while dazing away into anywhere that would calm my mind down.

I began to revert back to my old thoughts. How I thought that coming here would be okay. That after what I went through with being fooled to think I was going to live in the same house as my mother again, go to a normal school like everyone else only for that to turn around completely, I thought that it was the most devastating thing. But now, more things started dwelling in. More problems began to occur, more issues started to surround me once again.

Me and my mother were slowly fixing what was broken, but in the process everything else around me was beginning to break. It was as if there was just no good ending for me. When there was good there just had to be the bad. There was no middle ground, no greater balance.

Dr. Palmer was right, I constantly shrouded myself with the issue of others, but never my own.

"Hi." I looked up to see Morgan leaning by the door. She wasn't smirking or looking like a smartass. She just leaned on the door frame and had her arms crossed. She was looking at me, her eyes kind of dead. No emotions, so I couldn't tell what she wanted this time.

"You don't look so good. What happened to your knees?" She asked, talking about the visible dirt on my knees from kneeling on the sidewalk earlier. I didn't want to converse with her, but I just had questions that still needed answers.

"Did you flip on me because I told Henry about Colin sexually abusing you?" I asked her, my eyes were staring at the ground. I heard her slowly walking, and her feet appeared at the exact spot my eyes were fixated on.

"Was it because of that?" I asked, and this time I looked up at her. Her face seemed like it twitched, as if she suppressed a reaction after seeing my face. I could only imagine what she was thinking, I had tear stains and knowing how exhausted I was, it probably showed.

"No. I don't care if Henry knows." Morgan said and now I just felt more confused. I was hoping that was the reason, just so that my mind could stop thinking and stop trying to figure out answers to things that weren't truly important.

"I'm guessing you and Henry had your talk?" Morgan said and I didn't feel like that warranted a response from me. And so I sat there in silence while she stared at me.

"I don't care for you either Alex. I don't care to be your friend, I don't even want to talk or see you. We aren't friends, and if I'm being honest I don't think we really were." Morgan said, and she began to go on a tangent about how she had a bad feeling about me from the start.