The Diary of Existing

THIRTY TWO

THIRTY TWO

I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I'd been crying for days. But like every other person who cries, I finally came to a stop, and found myself just inhaling and exhaling. Trying to catch my breath, trying to relax my mind from it all. I pulled back from whoever was hugging me, wiped my eyes and discovered that it was Henry. His face, an expression of concern.

"Are you okay? I saw you from across the street. Who were you talking to?" He asked and I didn't really want to reply. I didn't even know where to begin.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he looked up at the building. There was no sign, just the name of the building. He looked back at me and his face was still concerned. I wiped what was left of my tears and tried to look at normal as possible.

"I'm heading back." I said as I began to walk away only for him to stop me.

"Whoa, wait, hold up." Henry said as he blocked my way.

"You don't look okay. You aren't okay. Come with me." Henry said, grabbing my wrist and dragging me. I didn't have the energy to pull back or resist. So I just went along with it. We walked a couple of blocks away from the building and came to what seemed to be a cinema. I stared at all the films being show, some were foreign, foreign in the sense they weren't in English at all.

"Let's go." He said and just continued to grab me and make me follow him.

We got inside, it was dark and there weren't a lot of people watching. We sat at the very back, and it wasn't really an ideal seat, considering how smaller the screen seemed to look far away, and I couldn't read the subtitles over the French film. I didn't even know what we were watching. Does Henry know I don't speak French? Does he speak French?

"I don't understand what's happening in the movie." I said as I looked at him and he just smiled at me.

"Forget the movie. I took you here because no one we know comes here, it's dark and everyone else here is focusing on the movie so no one will see you or notice. I brought you here so you can tell me whatever is happening to you. I figured this is the safest space to take you." Henry said and I looked down at all the people. It was people who were probably in their 60s, people who can qualify as senior citizens basically. I looked over to Henry who was flashing me a smile.

Should I tell him?

"Take your time. We got about two hours before this film ends anyway. I've seen this ten times the ticket seller thinks I'm a huge fan." Henry said and laughed. I found myself laughing a bit.

Maybe I could trust him.

"It was my mom who you saw me talking to. Who, I assume, you saw me blocking her way." I said and Henry nodded. He was looking directly at me. He had his hand on his chin, supporting him as he leaned his body a bit forward. Listening to me intently. He was actually paying attention to me. He was looking at me directly. I couldn't get myself to look at him eye to eye. Something inside of me felt embarrassed, so I decided to just look at the giant screen before us. Maybe this way, I won't cry when I tell him everything.

"I've been seeing a therapist." I began again. I didn't know where to begin actually. Should I tell him from the beginning? Does he know that his sister was formerly my father's mistress before being his official girlfriend? Was he aware of that? What does he know about me? Is there something beyond that he knows about me apart from what he remembered when we were 7?

"I don't know where to begin." I said as I finally felt confused, crying and unsure where to start. He shifted in his seat, coming closer to me.

"Hey, don't cry. Listen. Take your time, relax. You can start wherever and whenever. I don't want you forcing yourself, so just take it easy okay? I'll listen to whatever it is, and I'll try my very best to understand so you won't have to repeat yourself okay?" Henry said and I felt so reassured at that moment, more than I've ever been.