The Diary of Existing

SIXTEEN

SIXTEEN

It was a Wednesday afternoon, I was sitting in the garden with Morgan and Angel. The two were busy discussing about class assignments, which in hindsight felt extremely odd coming from Morgan. This was honestly the first time since I met her that I heard her talk about class related topics. She was often talking about other things. I haven't asked her about what I had witnessed the other day. I wasn't really sure how someone was to ask another person about it. Do I just go and say,

Yo, I just saw some guy grab your ass what was that?

But the topic of it wasn't really something that was important to me. I had other things in mind. One of which was how I still felt disappointment that it would take me a year before I could even be ready to reconnect with people from my past. It still bothered me that for Dr. Palmer I wasn't ready apparently. I feel that I put so much trust in her which resulted into this huge disappointment I had. It was like a weird sense of betrayal yet somehow I knew that it wasn't her fault to begin with. It was just really me, but I didn't think I'm to blame either.

"Alex..."

So, should I blame her instead?

"Alex..."

If I can't blame myself then who can I blame?

"Alex..."

Is there anyone I can even blame? Or should I just really be blaming myself?

"ALEX!"

I jolted at the sound of my name. I turned to the side and found Angel and Morgan staring at me. Angel let out a small laugh and Morgan rolled her eyes before telling Angel that I was spacing out again. I looked at my watch and didn't realize that we had been sitting here for two straight hours. I stretched my legs in my seat and got up to approach the two.

"You need to stop spacing out." Morgan said and I simply gave a weak smile. Angel was still giggling at me. Morgan showed me her phone and all I saw were photos of cocktail dresses.

"What's this for?" I asked and Morgan rolled her eyes. "We're having that stupid social party this Saturday. I'm in need of a new dress since I've worn or torn everything I own." Morgan said as she began to slide through her photos. "Torn?" I dared to ask and she just looked at me with a smirk. I didn't think I needed to ask any further.

"Do you have anything to wear?" Angel asks me and I didn't even realize there was an event happening. Maybe if I was still talking to Jacqueline I would have known this. Maybe she even told me and because I'm ignoring her I didn't even know. But I don't think I would be going anyway. It seemed... Trivial. I don't think social events are for me. I've had my fair share in the past and I grew tired of them. I'm completely over them.

"I don't think I'm going." I said. Angel and Morgan looked at each other before giggling. "Sorry babe, but this isn't an optional thing. Everyone has to go. Even the Harrow boys are being forced to go." Angel said and that was just fantastic. An even I don't want to go to yet forced to go to. Seemed all too familiar to be honest.

"Well I have nothing to wear so I'll wear this." I said as swayed my arms to the side. "I have something, don't fret. You're my size anyway." Morgan said. Beggars can't be choosers I guess.

I scratched my head realizing that they had mentioned the Harrow Boarding School for Boys on the other end. I suddenly remembered that guy I met the other night. Henry Harris. I still couldn't put a pin on his name, his surname was all too familiar and he knew me yet I didn't know him. And I knew everyone in my past. Most especially those that hated me.

Still hate me.

"Are all the Harrow boys going?" I asked and the two nodded their heads. I turned to look at what I could see from the Harrow school, their school looked exactly like ours, except older. I wonder if these girls knew who Henry was?