Ryden Oneshots

Bright Copper Non-Sunsets

Hi, I’m a bottle of vodka. Hi, my name is Ryan Ross, I’ll ruin your life. I’m here to fuck you up bleed from your nose ruin your life.
I’ll ruin your life.

I grew up with Spencer Smith. He was a nice boy who had blue eyes who gave me looks like he was always always worried. We had sleepovers, we had a secret handshake, those years were so exciting.
I grew up with Vegas as my next door neighbor pumping spilling blood through my veins, the strippers lived on my street and the magicians were too far away so Spencer and I would sneak out of our houses together with feeble alcohol in our systems and go see all the colorful colorful animals and people and things to do. The strip made the sunset turn all sorts of colors and it was never real.
Spencer Smith doesn’t talk to me anymore. I threw up on his couch, I think, I slapped him because I had lots and lots and LOTS of cocaine in me and I was so nervous, so his blue eyes looked like huge glaciers to me and I slapped his cheek and he cried. He said
Ryan, I thought you were my friend,
and then he never spoke to me again.

Hi, I’m Ryan Ross. You have a name that starts with a B and that’s all I know about you.
I stare across a room of feebly drunk people and I see you with cocaine in my eyes in my lips on my ears in my brain and I think, BBBBBBBBBB.

I grew up with a dog named Hobo. Spencer Smith said she was a little angel and she was, but then she had to die. She ran out in the street where strippers lived, she got hit by a car, and she died.

I wrote about Hobo for my psychology paper my psychology paper that I got handed back with a big FFFFFFF on it and my teacher said I didn’t put enough thought into it. But what he was really saying was THAT IS WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH, THAT IS YOUR TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD EVENT, FUCK. Fuck, Ryan Ross, you have no excuse for the cocaine up your brain and the vodka and cranberry juice you drank this morning before you went to class. You just have no excuse.

The sunset cut into my eyes this morning.

Hi, Hello, Brendon Urie. Hi, I’m Ryan Ross, I’ll ruin your life, so so pleased to meet you, Brendon. Brendon Brendon Brenny Bren Brendon. Brenny. Brendon Urie, you are cute. It took me vodka with orange juice and cranberry juice in it to give me the courage to talk to you, but hey, I made it. Brenny.

Ryan Ross, they talk about me. They say Ryan Ross does coke he smokes weed all the time, (that’s a lie because weed is for pussies those sad sack degenerates they don’t even check their facts) they say that Ryan Ross shoots up heroin, butIdon’t, that’s the one thing I just won’t do. They say I’m fucked up that I’ll ruin your life. My genius is accidental.
They say things about how I rape people, but I’m a virgin, but then they talk about how I drink all the time how I’m alone a little cave dweller how I’ve never been in love, and well, that’s all true.

Spencer Smith used to not listen to the people who said things about me.

My next psychology paper is about a parent. I should write about the mother I don’t love because she gave birth to me in seven hours and then she gave me away just as quickly to my father, who was an alcoholic. That’s what I should write about. I’ll make it sad, and then I’ll have an excuse.

Brendon Urie, Brendon Urie, I had a dream about you.

Brendon Urie, you’re sober all the time. They say things about you and they’re all right and they’re all true. You grew up Mormon, (oh how cute) you aren’t a virgin, you live in a house near campus with Jon Walker and Pete Wentz and Gabe Saporta and some other people I don’t know, you hardly ever drink and you never do any drugs. That’s so weird. It makes me laugh.
They’re all good all true and the next time I see you Brendon Urie you’re oh so sober and I’m oh so faded with everything everything looking as it shouldn’t be, we have an awkward conversation about our classes and you play piano you music major. Music major are funny words to me when I’m high, so I laugh and laugh, I think fa la la la dee da doooooo in my high high mind, and I answer that yes, Brenny Bren Bren I’m a psychology major. It’s a cake major. I take it because I’m JUST NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING.
And then you give me a look like that makes you sad. It just makes you so sad Brendon Urie that I’m already putting myself down in front of you, but hey, I’ll ruin your life, that’s just my style.