Shot Through The Heart (Shoto Todoroki x Reader)

Chapter 46

"There are many ways to die, but only love can kill and keep you alive to feel it." ~Leo Christopher

♥♥♥

Listening suggestion: What It's Like To Be Lonely by Tyler Ward (nightcore is best♥)

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Shoto's POV

     I watched from my window as raindrops left their watery tracks on the glass. I didn't go down for dinner; I wasn't hungry. My mind was swarming with stale, aching thoughts and memories that had been haunting me ever since the break up. I couldn't deny that nothing felt right about it.

     I thought I trusted (Y/N), but when it came down to it, when I was tested in this way, I realized just how weak my faith was in her. So the thought crossed my mind that maybe I was the problem, not her. What if there really was nothing between her and Bakugo? What if she and I were truly meant to be after all? Did I lose trust in her too fast?

     The other side of my mind differed. It was so hard for me to trust. It was difficult for me to actually get close enough to someone without the fear of being betrayed, left, or used. I'd let (Y/N) into spaces of my heart I had never let anyone wander before, and that scared me. The more I gave away of myself, the more I felt vulnerable.

     I touched the scar over my left eye, remembering how it got there. I never thought about it much, but now I was beginning to see the effects it had on me. Everything about that scar brought back nightmares.

     I remembered how much my mother loved me, but then how my father abused her. He made her go insane, to the point that she hated every fiber of his being. She grew to despise my left side, my fire side, because I inherited it from him. I remembered, as a five-year-old, how I didn't understand, and all I wanted was to protect and comfort her. 

     I remembered the boiling water she'd splashed on my face, scalding my face with a permanent burn. I cried, but I still loved my mom. Instead, I blamed my father for what happened. I blamed him for everything, and still did to this day.

     To him I was only an object he made, a weapon fashioned for the sole purpose for overthrowing All Might, the number one hero. My father was second only to him, and for that a poisonous rivalry sparked like a phoenix from the ashes. My father didn't care about being a hero, he didn't care about saving people or being a role model. He only wanted to be the best. He was a selfish, arrogant, recalcitrant bastard that I was ashamed to call my father.

     In a way, my father Endeavor scarred my deeper than my mother did with the water. He didn't teach me love, he taught me to hate. He didn't teach me encourage others, he taught me to surpass them. He told me to be the best in everything I did, and ultimately surpass the number one hero. He wouldn't rest until I had made the Todoroki name prominent.

     However, with the help of my friends (one in particular), I was able to be more at peace with myself. I believed I was born to be a hero, and not what my father wanted me to be. I only hoped to become as great as All Might, but not become his superior. I realized that now, but there was nothing in the world that could erase the memories, visions, and demons of my past.

     No one knew about this, save Midoriya. I never told (Y/N), only avoided talking about it when we drew near to the subject. She was probably so confused; why my mom was in the hospital, why I had the scar, and why I rued even the mention of the word "father." I suddenly wished I'd told her. I wished I'd told her everything, and maybe we could've broken through so many walls.