Twisted and Torn (afi/lrh)

Pain and Hope

Ashton's POV

Pain. That's all I could feel when I thought about her. She was in every memory I've ever had. Makes me wish I could get rid of them all. Is it possible to erase all your memories but still know who you are? Not like total amnesia but something very close.

She left so many memories. Gosh, why did she have to leave me like this? Every thing reminded me of her so much it hurt to breath. I had to drive by the park that was her favorite place to go to think. I had to hear End Up Here in my car. That was her favorite song of the album, and now all I have is the party to associate it with. I had to walk into a house that we had run around multiple times as kids screaming at each other. I still remember the day she said all boys had cooties. Now, the memory just hurts. It all hurts. Even seeing my little brother hurt. She could always make him laugh no matter what mood he was in.

When I get to my room, I climb into my bed. As soon as I get there, I can feel the hot tears pouring down my face. Any chance I had with Britain was gone. My perfect girl turned out to have one fatal flaw. She didn't love me like I loved her. For her to choose my best friend crushed me more than if she had picked any guy off the street. Luke and I are so much alike, practically the same person. It didn't make sense for her to pick him. Not that I could see.

The pain was excruciating. It felt like someone was taking a knife to my heart. I'd been heart broken before but never anything like this. All I want right now is for Brit to have chosen me. If she had, then everything would be different. Then maybe, I wouldn't be a mess. I wish this was all a just a dream. I'm really not fine at all.

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I woke up the next morning with a tear stained pillow. I could still feel the pain. It had subsided into a dull throb, but it was still very real.

We had band practice today, and I couldn't bear the thought of facing Brit and Luke. I could always call in sick, but I'm the drummer. They need me. I pull myself out of my bed. I go to my closet and grab clothes. I don't know if they even match, but I don't care at this point.

I get back into my car. Before I start my car, I lay my head against the wheel. Can I do this? Can I really see them together? Will it break me?

I drive over to Michael's house completely numb to everything. When I pull into their driveway, a few tears spill out of my eyes. I quickly wipe them out of my eyes. They can't see me like this. I have to pull myself together.

I climb out of my car and go to the door hoping Luke or Brit don't appear on the other side. I can't be alone with either of them. Luckily, it's Michael.

"Hey, man," he says. I can hear the twinge of guilt in his voice.

"Hey," I say trying not to reveal my pain.

"Are you okay, man?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep," I reply my voice cracking.

Michael opens his mouth as if to say something, but he closes it and shakes his head. He lets me in the house, and I immediately head to the bathroom. I close the door and look in the mirror.

I have deep bags under my eyes which are tinged pink from all the crying. If I use it enough, my sleep excuse could work. I look like I didn't sleep. It's the only thing I can stick with.

I compose myself and head to the garage for rehearsal. I walk in and find Cal. He's the only one there. I breath a sigh of relief. I go and sit at my drums. You can't really tune drums, so I just start tapping out the beat to Beside You. I don't look up from my drums until I notice someone standing in front of them.

"Ash? Are you okay?"

It's the voice I've been dreading to hear. Britain.

I slowly look up and immediately regret it. I see those blue eyes, and I'm a mess again. Tears begin to well, but I push them down.

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep last night," I said the nickname killing me.

"Oh, well I made some coffee if you want some. It might help you wake up, but I'm sure the other boys will do plenty of that," she said laughing nervously.

"Hm? Coffee? Sure, that's be nice," I say.

She walks back out of the garage. I breath deeply. Today was going was going to be my undoing.

She comes back with a pink coffee cup steaming with the hot coffee.

"Pink? Really?" I say smiling weakly.

She laughs and says, "I knew I could get something out of you."

She hands me the cup, and I take a small sip. It made me feel a little better. The heat took away some pain, but only for a little while.

Michael walks in and then Luke. I feel anger rise up in me. It filled every inch of my body. I have to push it down. I already hurt Britain by hitting him. Even though she's hurt me, I can't hurt her. She means too much for me to do that.

Practice goes without a hitch. It's after that I lose it. After practice, Brit walks over to Luke and wraps her arm around his waist. He's does the same and quickly kissed her cheek. She smiles and looks adoringly at him. They look like two lovesick puppies. It's sickeningly adorable. I can't stand it.

I get up and storm out of practice. I walk back into the house and go into the living room and pace. I try to calm myself down, but all I feel is complete anger.

"Ash?" It's her. Why can't she just see that I don't want to talk. Why can't she leave me alone?

"What?" I snap.

"Are you sure you're okay? Someone who's tired wouldn't storm out of practice like that. You can tell me, whatever it is. We're best friends," she pleads.

I look over at her. She looks just as broken as I felt. Maybe I'm putting too much of my anger on her, but she did choose Luke didn't she?

"I'm fine, Brit," I say.

"Oh, okay. I was just checking," she said quietly. I could hear the hurt in her voice.

I turn to look at her, but she's already scurrying out the door. No doubt to tell Luke. Gosh, I couldn't stand this.

I pull out my phone, and find Hannah's number. I made sure I got it before she left my car.

To Hannah: Hey, are you free today. I could really use some calming down.

From Hannah: Um yeah.. Sure. I have to shift some things, but I can meet you somewhere.

To Hannah: How about I pick you up and, we can grab something to eat?

From Hannah: Sure. That sounds great.

To Hannah: I'll pick you up in 30.

From Hannah: Okay. :)

I walk out of the house and get back in my car. I start it and pull out as quick as possible. I have to get away from this place, from them. It takes all I've got to not explode. I'm hoping Hannah might be able to help.

At this point, she may be the only who can get me off this ledge, and I hope she can.

Hey! It's W. I just wanted to say thank you for 205 reads! That's incredible. It's so amazing to both C and I that so many people have seen our writing. We love writing this for y'all. We have a bunch of plans for the upcoming chapters, so keep reading! We love you!

-W <3