Twisted and Torn (afi/lrh)

Anchors

Ashton's POV

"Goodbye, Ashton."

Those words haunt my dreams. I hear them from the time I wake up to the time I got to sleep. I don't think they'll ever stop. The only thing that can make them stop is her, but she wants nothing to do with me.

I feel like someone has strapped an anchor to my foot and thrown me into the sea. As hard as I try to swim and save myself, the anchor pulls me deeper and deeper

until

I

can't

feel

a n y t h i n g.

********************

I wake up with the faintest vision piercing green eyes. Hannah was all I could think about for the past few days. I needed her back. She was the only thing that kept me afloat.

I got out of bed and immediately clutch my head. I have the worst headache. It's probably from all the crying I've done. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. It's the only way I could let out the pain. Other than hitting my wall, and it's already suffered enough. There were multiple gaping holes in it.

In a way, my wall was just an artistic representation of my heart. Barely holding together because of all of the holes.

I was barely hanging on.

************

I forced myself to get out of bed and shower. The hot water did a little for my headache. It relieved it to a dull throbbing.

I climbed out of the shower and dried off. I went to my dresser and pulled out some clothes. It didn't even matter what they were. I couldn't bring myself to care.

I had band practice today, and I don't know if I can go. Once again, seeing Brit would kill be, but I told Hannah that I was getting over her. If I had any chance of getting her back, I had to stay true to my words.

I make my way down the stairs of my house. I grab some food, but I couldn't eat much. I just didn't feel up to it. I throw away the barely eaten scraps. I look at the time. It's 10:35. I have about an hour before practice, but I need to get out of this house.

I grab my keys and scurry out to my car. I put the key in the ignition and pull out of my drive way. I drive down the road slowly, still thinking about the last few days.

Before I know it, I'm sitting in Michael's drive way.

Can I do this? Can I go in there?

I don't have a choice.

I climb out of my car and make my way to the door. I hope that Brit or Luke doesn't answer the door.

When I knock, I wait anxiously, trying to form a conversation if it is Luke or Brit, but I don't have to because Calum opened the door.

"Hey, mate," he said with his cheeky little Kiwi smile.

"Hey," I return shyly.

He makes a sweeping gesture for me to come in the house like a servant bowing for his master. It manages to suppress a laugh from me. Cal always manages to make me laugh. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.

"Hey, Cal?" I asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Anything for my favorite drummer!"

We walk into their guest bedroom. I sit on one end of the bed and Cal on the other.

"So, I've had a rough couple of days, and I was hoping that during practice today you could keep it really light should anything happen between Luke and I. We aren't exactly on the best terms. It took a lot for me to even come today. Could you help me out, mate?"

"Yeah, sure. What happened, man?"

I knew he would ask, and I couldn't not tell him.

I recounted every thing that happened after Brit and I left Joey's. I could feel a few tears when I got to the part about Hannah. I watched his expressions. It went from shock to disbelief to sympathy.

"Awe, man. You could've come to me sooner. Of course I help you. Why wouldn't I?" he said smiling once more.

"Thanks, Cal. I don't know what I would do without you," I said clapping him on the back.

"Anytime," he said.

We both got up and a little bro hug before going back out into the house. I looked at the time, and it was time for practice.

Time to face them.

************

I sit down at my drums and tap nervously. Cal is already here. Mike and Luke are missing.

About 5 minutes later, Mike, Luke, and Brit all walk out laughing about something.

I look at Luke. We make eye contact and his blue eyes give me a cold stare. He wasn't happy with me.

I look at Brit and her blue eyes are full of sympathy and a twinge of what looks like sorrow. I forgot that she thinks she lost me as her friend. I need to prove to her she hasn't. She never will.

"Okay, guys. How about we work on Good Girls?" Mike said.

We all chorused in with yeses.

Mike starts the riff, and I soon start the beat.

As we're playing Brit begins to dance like she does. It took a lot to not look at her like I used to.

As we finished our set, I realized that I couldn't sit here anymore, my thoughts were eating me alive.

"That was great guys!" Cal shouted smiling.

"Yeah, ugh, I got to go," I said.

As I turned to leave I saw Luke and Brit lock lips.

************

I drove home and went immediately to my room. I pull my phone out to see nothing had happened.

I pulled up the few pictures I had with Hannah. They bring back the good memories of her. I don't know if it's a good idea to text her, but I do it anyways. I just need her to know that I miss her, and that I'm ready to dedicate my everything to her.

To Hannah :)

I know this is stupid. I know I shouldn't try to talk to you after everything that happened. I know you probably hate me. I know you probably never want to talk to me ever again.
I realize all of this, but if I'm going to be honest with you, I miss talking to you. We were pretty good friends for the time we were. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to talk to you again. Not in the sense of I want to date you, but in the sense of I just want to be friends again. You probably don't want to because of what I did, but look past that. We were good friends at one point. I just want to go back to that. Do you think we could, or did I ruin it for us completely?

I poured a lot of feeling into that text message. I just hope she can see it.

I really want her back.

Scratch that.

I need her back.

**********

This chapter was really deep. Ashton really has a dark mind that he tries to escape but never seems to. I really loved writing this chapter. I hope you guys like it. ☺️

Next update will be either at 650 votes or 4.5k reads. Help us get there guys! We know you can. You've gotten us this far, so thank you for that. We love you guys. 💕

Don't forget to follow the fan account on Instagram! We're almost to 2,00 followers on that as well. We have a variety of posts from silly pictures of the guys, to text posts, to imagines. If you have time, give us a follow! 💋

Shoutout to the user @shinylucas on Insta! They just made one of the best comments about the fanfic that I have seen yet. You guys should give the account a follow! Thanks once again for the love! 💘

Have a good day or night depending on when you're reading. Thanks for everything guys!

-W