all of the stress and pressure all in pursuit of perfection, wish you knew that imperfections make you an exception
"y/n you should really start putting lotion on those stretch marks. they're really unattractive. you think jonah wants you to have lines all over your thighs and stomach?" your mom asked.
you were hanging out with your friend at your parents house, laying by the pool on the hot summer day. your mom had come out to bring you lemonade and decided to give you her unwanted opinion, too.
"i have this lotion that works amazing, it got rid of my stretch marks so fast," your friend added.
you sighed. personally, you didn't have a problem with your stretch marks, and neither did jonah for that matter. but hearing what your mom and best friend were saying started to change your mind.
you looked at your sides and your thighs. the marks were very noticeable.
"you think you could give me some of that lotion?" you asked your friend, still looking at your stretch marks.
"there you go. soon, your skin will be clear of marks and jonah will be so happy," your mom said. you began to think she was right.
maybe jonah said he didn't mind them just to make you feel better. they definitely weren't attractive and he'd probably prefer you without them anyway. you began to feel insecure about them.
"i keep a bottle with me in my bag, i can go get it for you."
"okay thanks." you sent her a weak smile.
later that night after you got out of the shower, you stood in the mirror looking at your stretch marks again. you began hearing your mom's and your best friend's words.
"jonah will love you more once those stretch marks are gone..."
"i have a gym membership, maybe you should start working out with me..."
"i'm starting this diet, it's supposed to help you lose weight really fast. i could give you some recipes..."
"just use the lotion after you shower and they'll be gone in no time..."
you started feeling overwhelmed. all of this pressure to be skinny and not have any stretch marks and just be perfect. your throat tightened and you felt tears brim in your eyes.
"babe, can i come in?" you heard jonah ask from outside the bathroom door.
"just a minute!" you called back. you wiped your tears and grabbed the bottle of lotion, rubbing it all over your legs and stomach and any other place you had stretch marks.
you put your pajama's on then went to open the door.
"sorry," you said.
"no it's fine love." he smiled. he kissed your forehead before going into the bathroom.
you heard him start the shower, so you got into bed and just lay there. all of the thoughts running through your head, making you cry again.
you lay still, just letting the tears spill from your eyes. you felt your hands shake and your breathing was uneven. your shoulders began to shake and you sat up, covering your mouth so jonah wouldn't hear.
why couldn't you just be skinny? it's not that hard to work out, you can do it. the stretch marks are disgusting and jonah probably hates them. these thoughts ran through your head as you cried.
before you could stop crying, jonah came out of the bathroom. he rushed to your side and sat next to you on the bed.
"baby what's wrong? what happened?" he asked.
you shook your head, unable to form words from crying. jonah grabbed your hand and made you look at him.
"hey, just deep breathes, yeah? i'm right here, you're okay. whatever's wrong, we'll fix it. you just gotta breathe. do it with me." we both slowly breathed in and out and soon i had calmed down.
"can you tell me what's wrong now?"
"i'm just overwhelmed."
"with what?" he asked. you looked into his eyes. you didn't wanna tell him that you were insecure and trying to make yourself look better for him.
"nothing." you shook your head.
"baby, you started crying over this. it's not nothing. i wanna help you love."
"it's just..." you sighed. "it's me."
"what about you?"
"i have stretch marks and i'm too fat and i need to work out and go on a diet to get skinnier."
"what? baby, that's crazy."
"no it's not. my stretch marks are so gross. and my legs are so big and my stomach is all flabby."
"y/n, you're not fat. and your stretch marks make you who you are. they're apart of you."
"but they're ugly."
"no they're not. i love your stretch marks."
"how could you love something so ugly?" you asked.
"ugly? baby, how many times do i have to tell you, you're beautiful. every part of you, stretch marks and all. they make you special."
"but all those skinny girls that don't have stretch marks are just so perfect-"
"they're not perfect. i don't know why you want to be perfect, perfect is boring. your stretch marks make you different. and i love them. i love them so much, they're one of my many favorite things about you. so please don't cry, and don't make them go away. because i love them and i love you."
you sighed and looked up at jonah, giving him a small smile.
"there's that smile," he said softly. you chuckled. he put his hand on your cheek and leaned in.
you pressed your lips to his and moved your hand into his wet hair. he pulled back and poked your nose with his.
"i love you," he said.
"i love you more jonah."
*****
