Love.
It is a beautiful word. One that is spoken so wonderfully about in poems and songs.
It is a beautiful feeling. One that is sparkling in the eyes of couples and is felt through their touches.
But every coin has two sides.
As much happiness at...
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"These tears which pierce my heart."
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I'm standing outside my door, about to open it when a stabbing pain fills my chest, causing me to clutch at my chest, a gasp leaving my lips. My eyes fill with tears unwillingly as I wince against the pain, afraid I'm having a heart attack, although the pain seemed to stem from within my very soul. But in the next second it was gone, as if it never happened.
A little confused, I slowly right myself and make my way into my house, wondering why a feeling of foreboding was so heavy within me, and if that was what had caused the pain. Or was it because Jungkook was hurt?
What was going on?
Shaking my head in hopes of calming down my racing heart, I quickly head towards the kitchen to put away the food I had gotten on the way back from Yoongi's. I was hungry, and though it was late I decided to stop by the 24/7 convenience store not too far from here, but the detour had taken a while and it was quite late now, a little past midnight.
Grabbing a snack and a banana milk, trying not to think how it was Jungkook's favorite, I head towards the studio room. Understanding that I loved Jungkook didn't lessen the pain I felt of losing Tae, so more times than not, I'd find myself sitting in our place. Sitting among the memories that would forever swarm around me. And in there, the pain slowly started to transform into acceptance and peace.
I knew that I'd always grieve for Tae, he was my soulmate. Many people automatically assume that a soulmate is one who is romantically involved with you, and Tae and I were, but we went beyond that. A soulmate is an individual we feel profoundly connected to, someone who completes you in a way no other truly can. A soulmate is a reflection of our own soul, and that's what Tae was for me.
I'm slowly beginning to understand the difference of the love I have for both Tae and Jungkook. Tae was the kind of love that happens when you're young. The first glance and you're completely smitten. It teaches us lessons and makes us stronger. It is the love in which we grow and truly begin to understand what exactly love is. The love with Tae is that kind of love, the one that showed me what I needed and what I wanted, and what I didn't.
But the love with Jungkook, that one is the one that comes blindly, creeping up on you with no warning. You never look for this type of love, it comes to you on its own. And it breaks down the walls you put up and pulls you out of the depths of a pit you didn't know you were trapped in. Their imperfections become your perfections and you find yourself caring for them, even when you don't realize it. You find yourself wanting their presence, needing them in a way that even you can't understand.
That's how I was able to love them both.
Because love isn't straightforward, there isn't one single criteria. No, love has depth to it, and when we dive, we find different people at different depths, much like diving into the vast unknown of the sea. The deeper you go, the darker it gets, the harder to see, and the more fear within you. And through that journey you find so many amazing things, some that you may think you want all your life, and perhaps you could settle there and be happy. But the true beauty lies in the deep dark unknown that so many are afraid to venture in. It is finding the light there that is truly the most rewarding.
