Love.
It is a beautiful word. One that is spoken so wonderfully about in poems and songs.
It is a beautiful feeling. One that is sparkling in the eyes of couples and is felt through their touches.
But every coin has two sides.
As much happiness at...
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~*~
"In a world where you feel cold."
~*~
Cold. That is the first thing I notice. The coldness seeps from my very core, gripping my nerves in a painful sting. Second thing I notice is the darkness, and I wonder if the cold tendrils of the raging waters had granted me my wish.
Was this life after? This darkness and oblivion? Or was I trapped in that world where I had seen Tae?
I stand amidst the complete black, unable to see my hands before my eyes. Perhaps this was life after. I mean who could say with complete certainty that hell was a fiery pit, burning you alive for eternity? This seemed just as much like hell as that, left to the demons of one's mind. A hell of my own creation.
Tentatively I take a few steps, almost afraid to fall off an edge I could not see, but there is nothing but solid ground underfoot. It should be some assurance, but unfortunately the darkness evades all feeling of hope or calm. I still continue to walk, hoping to see some sort of light, or a hint of where I was.
"Jungkook," my feet halt. That was Jin hyung's worried voice, but where was it coming from? My head swivels left and right, trying to pinpoint anything at all, the voice or my whereabouts, but I'm met with absolutely nothing.
"Jungkook," Jin's voice surrounds me once more, quieter this time, but still as pain filled as before, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you and I'm sorry that you had to suffer for so long. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to show you that you could come to me. That I'd be there for you no matter what. I love you so much, and when you're better, I'm never letting you go again. I am so sorry."
There's a crack in his voice, and I can tell how hard he is trying not to cry. It makes my own heart constrict, hearing how Jin is struggling to keep his composure.
"I wish I could take your pain away, Kookie, take it all for myself. I wish that all you have suffered, and all that you continue to suffer, had been something I'd rather have gone through. If I could change the fate's design, change it so our fates were changed, then I would in a single heartbeat.
"You're such a strong person, Kookie. It takes a strong person to love, but even a stronger person to keep going after being hurt in that love. And I know things seem bleak at the moment, and I cannot pretend to know what you've gone through, but please fight. For us, but mostly for yourself. Let yourself be given a second chance, and a chance to love yourself. I love you, my baby."
A warmth encompasses my hand, as if being held by someone, but there is no one here. And I realize in that moment that I am still alive, trapped, but alive nonetheless. Jin's words register in my mind.
Should I fight? Should I strive to live once more? Had I been punished enough or was this second chance only to punish me more?
As if a conjuring of my mind, I see a faint outline of Jin hyung. His eyes are sad, but there's a soft smile on his lips as he holds my hand. He's looking to me, but I'm sure he can't possibly see me. Not as I can. And yet I think I'm the one not seeing, instead imagining images to place behind the words.
