Wreckless ( Ddlb ) *Complete*

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Emmett:

I'm slightly irked by the $100 but I also know he's been wanting to pay for things since the first time we ordered pizza. I also know he has it. He's not going to drop it, either, and if I try to give some of it back it'll turn into a thing. I hate 'things'. Fine. We will eat really well this week. I toss yet more laundry into the machine; between all the sheets we're going through and my work clothes, I've got a small mountain to wash. Then it's off to the store.

I'm not used to shopping for two. I know he loves ice cream and I get an extra carton, plus some more chocolate sauce. I get him microwave popcorn and the already popped stuff that they have in the chip aisle. I grab a marinated pork loin, some chicken and some hamburger along with some salad and veg, the boy needs some real food if he's going to survive off my cum for breakfast and whatever he manages to find for lunch.

At least he let me feed him this morning. God, this morning. I didn't expect anything, at all. Seriously, I didn't even need anything. I came twice yesterday and that is more than enough for me. He, however, seemed to need it and once I knew he was fully aware that I didn't expect or need a blow job, I let him have fun. Hell, I've been called a lot of things in my life but I'm not actually stupid.

I can't explain why seeing him go from a sweet, sleeping angel to a flustered, choking, desperate boy in less than two minutes makes me want to skip through the store like a five-year old but it's, well, it's everything. I know he's well rested and he wakes up happy and needy and it obviously does something for him. I have no idea what but he's in charge and it's the way he wants it. I love it too but that's just a bonus, I've never had a problem with a regular suck, not that I've ever gotten them so regularly.

The past few weeks, and the past week in particular, have been a whirlwind. It took us weeks to dance around and decide if we were even dating and man, I almost completely fucked up the whole 'little' thing but he seems to be really coming out of his shell. He seems happier. I know I am.

I almost forget to grab some flowers and a bottle of wine for tonight but I remember at the last minute and get everything purchased and put away at home. I switch the laundry, clean Marten's cage and collapse onto the couch. One of the back cushions is askew and I fix it, then immediately think about last night. If someone would have told me six months ago or even six days ago that I would have said those things, been so rough or enjoyed it so much, I would have laughed in their face.

I can't remember what time Finn left but it's been awhile, right? He'll probably be back soon.

Do I want to be rough all the time? No. That boy is magic and he deserves to be loved properly. I make a promise to myself that the next time will be much different than last night was. Maybe I can get him to ride me again, that was fantastic. I decide to slice up the watermelon and have it ready, he may be munchy when he gets home from church.

Home. Shit, I need to stop that. He's made it very clear from the beginning that he's leaving and not a year from now, no, soon. As in later this summer. I don't want to think about it. At first it made me brave, what did I have to lose? I either had to grab on and hope to have some fun or let him slip through my fingers and disappear back to Michigan without anything ever happening. But now? So much has changed this week that I can't imagine just letting him walk away.

It needs to wait. I can't deal with everything that's happened this week and that too. I'll end up drunk and sad and I've done that more than my fair share.

I wonder if he'll come to dinner tonight. I've never taken anyone to my dad's; he's never met anyone I dated at all. He knows I'm gay but since my coming out conversation, it feels very much like don't ask, don't tell did in the army. Don't tell me it's over, trust me, it's not.  He was fine then, or said he was at least, but I was leaving the house and joining up and we didn't see each other a lot for 8 years. You grow apart, you know? Grow up. I have no idea whether or not any of that distance is because of that fateful convo or just the way things go.

He's a good guy and when I mentioned inviting a 'friend' to dinner he said "Sure" but.. I don't know. If Finnegan decides to go I'll have to call and make sure he knows we're dating but then what if he freaks? It's not like I can uninvite Finn but actually, I'd just cancel. Fine.

My dad and I are complicated. My mother dying made it that way. Me being gay makes it that way. Running off and disappearing for 8 years and missing his second wedding made it that way. But we do okay, really. We talk some, he knows I'd do anything for him, and he tells me he loves me. Wrote me letters whenever I was deployed, too, it meant the world. I should see him more than I do. I need to do better.