Daughter of Heaven (WIP - On Hiatus)

Chapter 20 - The reason why

Dean drove like a madman to get Sam back to the motel room. His brother was still unconscious, making it easier for Dean to hog-tie him to a chair. He was pretty sure he broke Sam's nose, but he really couldn't care less. He was just so pissed off at Sam and himself. Why had he just dropped his suspicions earlier? No one gets back from the fiery pit just like that. He hadn't, so why believe Sam would get a free pass? Idiot!

Dean reached for the bottle of whiskey he bought after his talk with Allegra the other night and poured himself a glass full. The alcohol burned his throat as he gulped it down all at once. He poured a second glass, fully intent on finishing the bottle in under a minute. The glass went to his mouth, but Dean slowly lowered his hand again when he saw Allegra appearing across from him. He honestly hadn't expected her to come. He thought she would've run away like she always did when things became too personal. Though, in this particular case, he wouldn't have blamed her. In fact, he might've done the same if it had been him.
Veritas had made her say she loved Dean. And since the Goddess hadn't had the same reaction with Allegra as she had with Sam, it meant she was human enough to be bound by the same rules all other humans were. So when she said she loved Dean, it had been the honest truth, which made everything so much worse. 

"You came." Dean leaned back against the dresser.

"I said I would," replied Allegra.

"You say a lot of things."

It came out a lot harsher than Dean had meant to. He put his glass on the dresser and looked back up at Allegra. She had her face turned away from him, visibly ashamed to look at him.

"Since when?"

"The hospital," whispered Allegra in response. "After Alastair."

Dean stared at her in disbelief.

"Three years? You've loved me for three years? Why the hell didn't you tell me?!"

He sighed at her silence and dragged a hand across his face. He knew why, of course. And he was so sick and tired of that being the eternal excuse between them.

"You really gone let those feathered douchebags control you for the rest of your life?"

"It's not them, Dean. Not this. This is something else."

"Something what? Allegra, you're not making any sense at all!"

Allegra finally looked up at Dean. Her stricken expression almost moved him right toward her. Almost...

"I know I don't, okay? Nothing makes sense in my life. It's just one big mess that gets worse every goddamn day. I wish I were normal, a regular human girl like all the others. I wish I didn't have to hide this from you 'cause it kills me, Dean. It kills me to love you. And it breaks my heart to push you away because I want nothing else than to be with you."

"Then be with me, dammit!"

"I CAN'T!"

She broke down in tears.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Her dejected voice cut right through him. "But we can never be together. I'm not allowed to be with anyone. And I refuse to lose you too."

"What the hell is that supp- no, wait!"

But Allegra was already gone, leaving Dean alone with a still-unconscious Sam.

"Allegra, come back. I know you can hear me. Allegra!"

"Dammit!"

He reached for his glass and threw it across the room. It shattered against the wall, spilling whiskey all over the wallpaper. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. Then, he resolutely decided to speak to the one person who might know what the hell Allegra was going on about. He needed him here for Sam anyway.