adore you // [h.s]

18

Harry

I was left alone in my room for days. I could feel myself slipping back to that same dark place. I let her walk away, it's my fault. If I could just open up and be honest, then she'd be here. She was right, she shouldn't have to beg someone to be open. It was selfish of me to expect her to stay.

I trudged down the stairs, regretting ever leaving the comfort of my bed, "Look who it is." Mitch's voice floated through the air as I walked into the kitchen.

"I'm not in the mood." I groaned while I looked around for something to eat. I had no appetite, I had barely eaten in days.

"Are you going to tell us what's going on?" Mitch asked while he and Sarah made their way into the kitchen.

I let out a deep sigh and I leaned onto the countertop, "Audrey left me." I admitted. I felt a sharp pain in my chest as the words poured from my lips.

"Why?" Sarah asked.

"She told me that she couldn't sit around and beg someone to be open with her." I watched as Mitch shook his head.

"Listen," He started, "I know you want us to sit here and agree with you, but she isn't in the wrong." I nodded, "It's my job to call you on your shit and let you know when you royally screwed up, and Harry, you royally screwed up."

"I know I messed up, but I don't know how to make her understand." I admitted, "I can't be open with her, but that doesn't mean I don't care for her."

"I know how hard it is to be open," Sarah said to me. She gave me this look of sympathy, "I see where you're coming from Harry, but at the same time, I don't. As a girl, I know how it feels to constantly wonder how someone else is feeling. As your friend, I also know how hard it is for you to show someone else how you're feeling. But what I don't understand is how you can write a song about someone then turn around and act like you have no clue how you're feeling."

Sarah was so gentle when it came to talking to me. Her tone was so much more different than Mitch's, but I found it funny. They always played out the good cop, bad cop duo.

"You wrote an entire song to tell Audrey how much you adored her, then you got all weird whenever she told you she adored you." Mitch added onto what Sarah was saying, "It's bullshit and you know it." I nodded. "It's time for you to get your head out of your ass. You're about to let a really good girl walk right out of your life. Stop blaming everything on your past. The past screws us all up at some point, so get the hell over it!"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" I asked as I ran my fingers through my hair, "I've already screwed this up, what if I can't fix it?" Mitch slapped my arm.

"Quit that shit." He scolded me, "If you want her, and I mean really want her, then fight for her." I nodded, "Sitting at home on your ass all day isn't doing shit to get her back."

"Maybe clear your head first," Sarah suggested. "I completely agree with Mitch, but you need to have a clear mindset first. You need to take the time and put yourself in her shoes. Figure out exactly what you're going to do to get her back."

"Thank you both," I said as I grabbed my keys off the counter. I heard them high-five each other as I walked out the front door.

Mitch could be an ass, but he knew exactly what I needed to hear. He's been the only one to call me on all my mistakes and tell me when I'm being stupid, and I was grateful to have someone like Mitch.

**

I went to the studio to clear my head. I started writing and making music because that's when I felt at peace. I prayed that writing a song would somehow help me make sense of everything I was feeling. I couldn't seem to get the words right, which I guess resembled exactly how I was feeling.

I picked up my phone and dialed Audrey's number. It rang a few times before she answered, "Hey love." I said as I laid back into the couch, "I have no right to ask you this, but do you think that you could come by the studio today?"

"I don't know, Harry." She sighed. I could hear her shuffling around.

"It's just me here today, and I'd really like to talk to you." I paused for a minute, "You don't have to come, but I would really appreciate it if you would. I'll be here for a few more hours, so just stop by if you can."

"Okay." I could hear how conflicted she was. Audrey could never hide how she was really feeling, no matter how hard she tried, "I'll be there in a few minutes."

I smiled, "See you soon." She hummed before she ended the phone call. I laid my head back on the couch.

While I waited, I searched for the right words to say to her. I was basically mentally rehearsing everything I needed to say to her, but all that went out the door whenever the studio door opened. She had a small smile on her lips as she walked over to sit with me on the couch.

"Hey." I mumbled as she just nodded, "I know I had no right to ask you to come here, but I really appreciate that you came."

"It's not like I had anything else to do." She admitted. I could see the heartache wrapped around her like a blanket.

"So, I'm really bad at admitting how I'm feeling to people but I'm really good at writing songs." She chuckled as she looked down at her hands, "I wrote this song for you, would you like to hear it?" She nodded.

I grabbed my Fender Strat off the stand beside me, I cleared my throat. She watched me so closely as I started to play the chords.

"I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna be alone... When it ends... Don't wanna let you know... I don't wanna be alone... But I, I can feel it take a hold, I can feel you take control... Of who I am and all I've ever known... Loving you's the antidote..." I looked over at her to see a faint smile pressed to her lips.

"Golden... You're so golden... I don't wanna be alone... You're so golden... You're so golden... I'm out of my head and I know that I'm scared because hearts get broken..." Audrey was starting to tear up as the lyrics sank into her skin, "I know that I'm scared because you're so open..."

"Harry, I-" She started to speak but she got choked up, "I'm sorry." She apologized while she wiped her face, "That was really good." She complimented like she always did.

I placed the guitar back onto the stand, "I should've been able to be honest with you the other night, but I get so scared. I know I should've never let you walk away." I admitted. "I haven't let myself feel this way in years. Last time, I felt like this I ended up so broken." She nodded to show me that she understood, "I know I've been sending you mixed signals ever since day one, but I'm done doing that. I'm going to do whatever it takes."

"Do you really want this?" She asked while she continued to play with the rings on her fingers. "I really care for you, so if you're not fully ready then I have to let you go."

"I have never wanted anything more than I want you." I placed my hand on the side of her face, "I have never felt this good, this alive, and it's so scary. I don't want you to think that I don't care about you because nothing is more important to me than you." She closed her eyes as I ran the pad of my thumb over her cheek.

**

Mitch talking some sense into Harry..