adore you // [h.s]

70

*Four Months Later: August 25, 2020,*

Audrey

I thought by now that I'd be over it, but I'm not. I still wake up every day with a heavy heart and swollen eyes from crying the entire night before. I keep seeing tour videos and he looks so happy, he looks so damn good.

How was I supposed to get over him whenever I'm always going to hear his name? He is everywhere, I can't escape him. It's not like I actually want to, but it'd be nice to know that I had the option if I wanted to take it.

I'm sure that living in his house hasn't helped with the moving on thing. I told him that I would move out before he got back from the tour, so I still had a little bit to get the living situation figured out. Kai has offered up his guest bedroom, but I don't really want to live with him and his girlfriend. My mom turned my old room into her office, so I felt like I wasn't exactly welcomed back home. To be honest, I was going to find something wrong with any living situation that wasn't in this house. I sound crazy, but I'm hoping he comes back home and wants to make this work.

My phone kept dinging, but I didn't have the energy to roll over and check it. I knew that it wasn't Harry. He won't even answer my phone calls anymore. I guess it was bullshit whenever he promised that he'd always be here for me. 

Getting out of bed seemed like such an impossible task, so did showering and eating. I was so tired all the time. I'm too young to feel like this. I should have an abundance of energy, but I don't. I knew it would get bad again after he left. It's my fault for letting myself get this attached to someone.

I should've known that it wasn't to work out, nothing ever works out for me. He just felt different. I have never been able to sit down and imagine my future with anyone, but that's all I ever did with Harry. I had it all figured out, we both did. Why'd he have to leave me?

My phone went off for the fourth time in ten minutes. I let out a deep sigh as I rolled over and grabbed it from the nightstand.

Mitchell (4);
Hey! I have a question...
You can totally say no..  it won't break my heart or anything..
But it might so feel free to say yes...
We are doing a show in San Jose, will you come to see us?

I didn't respond to him, I just laid my phone back down. There's no way that I could go tonight. There's no way that I would be able to go and watch Harry perform 'Adore You' live and not break into a million pieces. I wouldn't be able to hold it together.

I do miss seeing Mitch and Sarah all the time. They had been the only ones to check on me since they left for the tour. I usually get a text from them every week to two weeks, it just depends on how busy they are I guess.

I let out a deep sigh as I slowly crawled out of bed. I sat on the edge of the bed trying to convince myself to move, but I was already exhausted. After minutes of mentally arguing with myself, I finally made it to the shower. I stood there for a minute looking at myself in the mirror, barely recognizing the girl looking back at me. Empty is the only word dancing around in my head.

I pulled out my phone and connected it to the speaker, praying that music would make me feel better. I opened YouTube to see a new song trending, 'Half The World Away - One Direction.' I was hesitant, but why not? How bad can it be?

There's a time, there's a place
And I'm always gonna hear your name
There's a right, there's a wrong
And now I see that all long
I messed up, you'll be fine
I'm gonna sleep alone tonight
Never gonna be the same
'Cause you're half the world away
(Half The World Away - One Direction)