adore you // [h.s]

43

Audrey

I have tried to be distant with Harry, but I wanted to soak up every moment I could with him. I didn't know if he had really planned to leave me, but I figured keeping distance between us would help me. The only thing I've discovered is I'm royally screwed if he really does decide to leave.

I promised myself that I would never become attached to someone ever again, but here we are. I always wanted to be around Harry even when he made me so mad that I couldn't see straight. It's those damn green eyes. Don't even get me started on that stupid smile, those dimples.

Lord have mercy.

Harry walked into the living room with a silly smile on his face. I struggled to maintain my resting bitch face whenever I noticed how happy he was.

I don't know how he can go from ignoring me all the time to never giving me space, but I guess I shouldn't complain. I really can't even be mad at him because I shut him out for days thinking it was the right thing to do. I think I'm more hurt that he genuinely considered leaving me.

I couldn't imagine my life without him when I was at my lowest point, so what does that have to say about his feelings for me? Did he really care about me the way I cared about him? Was this all just some fling to him? Was I something to pass the time?

I was pulled from my thoughts whenever Harry snapped his fingers inches away from my face. He chuckled whenever he noticed how startled I was.

"Did you hear anything I just said?' He asked, leaning back into the couch.

"M'sorry. I was in my own little world, what did you say?"

"Jeff sent me the tour dates today, I just posted them to Instagram."

My heart sank to my feet. Instantly I pushed myself back into my thoughts.

Is he going to ask me to go with me? Will he even want me to come with him? I know that's something Harry genuinely enjoys, and I could ruin it by tagging along. Do I need to talk about it? Not right now.

"I haven't been on social media today." He furrowed his brows at me, "When does it start?"

"Tickets go on sale on November 18, but the tour won't start until 2020." I tried to push out a smile, but I was so anxious right now all I could do was shake, "The European tour starts April 15 in Birmingham. The North American tour starts June 26 in Philadelphia. Jeff is still trying to figure everything out for a South America tour but that wouldn't start until the end of 2020."

Six months until he packed everything up and left for months. If I didn't go, would our relationship even survive? There's no way it would. We wouldn't even be able to talk to each other. He would be so busy. I would be able to come to some of his shows, of course, but would that be enough?

I would wait for him if he asked me to, but I think it'd be stupid of me to expect the same of him. Harry is a rockstar. He has always lived his best life whenever he was out on tour and I feel like I would just drag him down. Stop. Harry wouldn't put himself in that kind of position.

Holy shit! Is this why he wanted to leave me? Was he going to leave me because of his tour?

Mitch tried to get him to hush, but drunk Harry can't keep sober Harry's secrets. I think that's why Mitch was so scared of him. They knew why he was acting off, but they wouldn't tell me. All this time I've been hurting and they knew.

"I still don't know what to do." His words were slurred. Mitch was doing his best to hurry Harry up the stairs, but he was like dragging dead weight. "I think I need to leave her."

My heart sank to the floor. I felt all the air leave my body whenever I heard his words float through the air. Sarah and Mitch turned to look to me to gauge my reaction, but I had no clue how to react. I'm not even entirely sure how I'm still standing.

Suddenly everything made sense. He was pushing me away so I could get used to a life without him. He wanted me to be okay whenever he left for the tour. He doesn't want me going, does he? Was I really just a fling to him? I guess I'm honored, but ouch.

Once again, I was pulled back down to Earth with Harry snapping his fingers in my face.

God, I wish he'd stop doing that. He's going to give me a heart attack.

"Are you okay? You seem very spacey today." I nodded my head to let him know I was okay even if it was a lie, "I worry about you, sweet girl." He lowered his voice as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

I kept my eyes focused on my lap. I knew if I looked into those beautiful eyes of this then it would be over. I wouldn't be able to control myself or my emotions.

"You know you can tell me if something's bothering you, right?" He traced his index finger along my jaw, stopping at my chin. He pushed my chin up so I would look at him. Don't cry. "Please talk to me."

"M'okay," I mumbled through my shaky voice. "M'just really tired, I haven't been sleeping good."

"Why don't you take a nap? We don't have any plans for the day, so you can sleep for the rest of the day."

Don't threaten me with a good time.

"Will you come lay with me?" He nodded with a cheesy grin on his face. I wanted to tell him that I slept better next to him, but now I'm not so sure if that would be the best thing.

I don't know if I should keep expressing my feelings for Harry like I usually do. I'm only going to keep falling more and more in love with him. I would only be breaking my own heart. 

Is everything going to wither away between now and April? 

**
This chapter isn't a long as the others have been, so I apologize.