insecurities

Date

Bonnie's POV

It was a Friday and I had to bury myself in school work all week otherwise I'll fail... because Ian was not backing down on these weekend outings.

Eversince they won the final game,he hardly trained anymore... he picked up a new hobby which was texting the life out of me.

So today I was early as normal. I got to school and joined Ming and Amy at the library to study there. After that we were called to the school hall about prom... which happened to be next week Thursday. I had no interest whatsoever and i had already planned to binge watch some Netflix series all day long.

Ian had already asked Maya a long time ago so cancelling on her wasn't going to happen...my orders. I really wanted him to go and i assure you...i wasn't jealous...okay,maybe just a little bit. But it was okay.

I still haven't answered Kris about the date thing and i don't really want to mess up our friendship...Kris is a great guy and I wanted to remain friends.

I saw Ian strolling down the hallway with Dominic and he stopped in front of me.

"Tomorrow's a date?"

I pretended i had no idea what he was on about. "Is it?"

"Don't play with me,Bonbon." He kissed my forehead and hugged me."Wear a dress." He walked backwards and winked at me then left.

"You two are so cute." Amy said.

I simply smiled at her.

"So you two are official now?" Ming asked.

"I don't know...i don't think I'm ready for a label."

Amy stood in front of me,"Girl,he kisses you in public and hugs you for everyone to see. We'll put up labels for you two."

"We haven't talked about that and i don't really want to."

"Why not?" Ming threw her hands up then swung them back to her sides.

"I'm leaving in December and i don't think i want to say goodbye to him because he... I just don't want it to hurt because I'm never coming back."I answered as tears started to pile up in my eyes.

"Ohhw,friend..." Amy pulled me into her arms and Ming gently patted my back.

"I'm just not used to this. Feelings...i just don't know how to handle stuff like this."

Ming shoved her hands in her pockets then said,"Bon,you're in this together. Let him be there for you. Because obviously you are happy."

...Bell rang...

~Saturday ~

So,today...i wore a black mini-dress with a blue short sleeved,button up shirt and black sandals. I put on my glasses and grabbed my phone as i heard the doorbell ring.

"Ta-da!" I said as I opened the door.

Ian had black jeans and a white tee and a grey coat with black sneakers.

"Love it." He looked over my shoulder and raised his hand as he greeted my mother,"Hi,Bridget."

"Ian,have yourselves a lovely day." Mom said as she made her way upstairs.

"Your mom's so cool." He said as he took my hand in his and we made our way to his car.

So,today we went out to a fair...which wasn't a place that I had imagined he'd like to go to but it was super amazing. His face on the Ferris Wheel was priceless. He was so scared of heights,I had to hold his hand throughout the whole ride.

After that we bought pizza's to go and watched movies at his house. We were watching a sci-fi movie which was really mind blowing...well,that was until it ended.

"Want something to drink?" Ian asked.

"No,thanks..." I took off my shoes and lay on my side on the couch,resting my head on the armrest...which was quite comfy."I just want to rest."

Ian pushed himself behind me and rested his arm around my waist."So...we are done with our living lessons and now I was thinking about feeling...and honestly that can be one of two ways. The first one...i have no idea what it is and the second one...nah,I don't think you even wanna hear it."

"Hey,Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"Why...are you so distant from your mother?...I mean,you guys hardly talk. You are always in here and she's always out there."

He sighed,"Remember my brother? I told you about him."

I nodded,"Yeah?"

"Ben...was his name. He had pneumonia...a couple of weeks before he died,he had been in and out of doctor appointments because his pneumonia was acting up. My dad was out of the country and my mom had one job to do...make sure Ben makes it to all his appointments. But she was too busy having sex with a guy that used to live next door,and Ben never made it...he died. I never forgave mom for that."

"Sorry I asked. Must be something hard to talk about." I said as i intertwined our fingers.

"It's okay.And my dad...died in a car accident two years later. He was on a business trip in Hong Kong...and came back in a body bag..."

"Ian,shut up."

"No...its okay. I needed someone to talk to about this and you are here." He paused before he proceeded."My dad's death was the worst news I'd ever heard... he was everything to me. Literally,everything to me. And now I have you."

I remained silent to what he just said...

He sighed,"Turn around."

I shook my head no.

We remained silent for a while then i turned around to face him.

His hand slowly moved to the small of my back with our eyes locked. I couldn't really read his expression but i really liked the way he was looking at me. I moved my hand which i was using as a form of pillow from under my head to his chest...

"I'm...not ready..."

"I know..." he answered.

"But...if you wanna do anything else?"

He sat up and gently pulled me by the arm and i also sat up. Our eyes were in contact the whole time as he motioned me to sit on his lap. One hand held the back of my neck as the other dropped from my waist to my bare thigh. As the space between our faces disappeared i could feel his hot,minty breath hit on my face. I placed a small peck on his lips then pulled back and placed another one...he pulled me by the nape of my neck as his lips attacked mine. I felt as though there were fireworks in my stomach and I separated my lips,letting him in.

He started undoing the buttons on the straps of my dress.

I pulled back breathlessly,"Ian..."

He undid one button on my shirt as he whispered in my ear,"I want to see you." He undid the second and the third one."I promise i won't do anything you don't want me to." He said as he kissed the exposed skin on my chest."Do you trust me?"

I have never been body positive in my whole entire life and this would be a huge step for me. He stopped undoing my buttons and was now sucking and biting on my neck making his way back to my lips where his tongue explored every corner of my mouth. His teeth held on to my bottom lip as his hands grabbed my ass harshly making me gasp at the act. He let go of my lip and asked lowly ,"Bonnie,do you trust me?"

I hesitated then i nodded.

"Say it,Bonbon." He said as he kissed my lips again.

"I trust you,Ian." I said quite breathlessly and I swallowed hard as i felt him undo another and another button. He stripped my shirt off my body. I was wearing a lacy black bra that he ran his fingers over before he pulled me back to him as he kissed over my shoulders down to my stomach then back to my breasts.