insecurities

I Need You

Ian's POV

"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asked as she let me in."Is everything okay?"

"I kissed Maya... tonight."

She raised her eyebrows and just remained silent... I really wished she would've said something or lashed out or something but she just kept her eyes on the floor clearly i hurt her. "Say something."

She raised her eyes up to mine and still didn't say anything. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration because I really wanted her to say something. "Bonnie..." i took a step closer to her and held her shoulders. I tried finding the words to say but i couldn't so I tried kissing her, i harshly crashed my lips against hers but she pushed me off. A tear ran down her face as she walked away from me... my heart literally broke and I noticed how much she actually meant to me.

I hated being the one to make her cry. "Bonnie, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, okay."She shook her head as she sharply inhaled clearly trying to hold her tears back. I followed behind her and grabbed her by the waist in some sort of back hug, she tried fighting me off but I held her tight until she gave up and her head fell forward, she didn't want me to see her cry.

She sniffled a bit, "Ian, i don't trust people... I don't open up to anyone , i don't catch feelings for anyone, i don't make out with anyone and i certainly don't fall for anyone..." she took a long breath then proceeded in a hoarse tone, "... But i did all that for you. I chose to trust you as messed up as i am... I at least thought you cared."

I turned her around and lifted her head with my index finger under her chin."Listen... you aren't messed up, Bonnie. I am. I'm sexually frustrated, okay? I don't know a time since i was 16 that I'm not horny, okay? Everything about you drives me crazy... Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your hair, your body... Bonnie, Maya took advantage of me because I was thinking about you all night. If you want me to wait... I'll do it but please don't give up on me."  I paused as i took a deep breath, tried finding the words to say but I couldn't find any.

" Ian, i don't want to hold you back. I can't live with myself knowing that my past is keeping me from giving you what you want... "she said as she walked away from me and took a seat on the couch.

I kneeled in front of her in between her legs and stared into her eyes," Bonnie, i want you... I want you so much it hurts. I want you in every way I can imagine possible. I want to be with you every day, I want to hold hands, i want to kiss every chance we get..." i took her hand and placed it on my chest and she flattened her palm against it,"I want us to touch, i want to taste you, i want to make you feel in ways you've never felt before,i want to be your first, okay?"

She hesistated but eventually nodded slowly clearly lost in my eyes as i was in hers.

"I want us to work... I need us to work. Bonnie, I need you, okay?" i begged as

She look at me in shock as another pair of tear drops ran down her face and I wiped them off with my hands. I kissed her forehead and smelled her hair then her head crashed on my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I put my arms around her torso as we tightly hugged for like what seemed to be a whole 2 minutes. The room was completely silent just us breathing was the only sound and it was soothing. I kissed her neck when she pulled back.

"I'm really sorry," i said as i kissed her hands.

She cupped both my cheeks and kissed my forehead. I was relieved she accepted my apology and I knew there and then that i loved that girl. But i didn't want her to feel rushed into this. She slung her arms around my neck and kissed me... I let her lead that one and honestly she was amazing at it,she moved her tongue over the seam of my mouth waiting for me to open up for her. When i did, i felt her tongue slip inside my mouth before she sucked on my upper lip. I moved my hands from her waist down to her thighs i got up breaking the kiss and her eyes stayed pasted on my every move. I pulled her on her feet and sat on the couch, placing and pulled her to sit on top of me... She obeyed and i had my hands on her bare thighs and something about her sleeping shorts was freakishly turning me on.

She held the back of my neck with her one hand and the other kept stroking my hair at the back of my head. "Kiss me." she said lowly.

I attacked her lips with sloppy, wet, open mouthed kisses. I tightened my hold on her thighs causing her to moan in an inaudible tone in my mouth. Her hands traveled down my torso and gripped on the waistline of my pants in between her legs. My hands instantly jumped to hers as some sort of warning for her to be careful not to tease me like that. I could feel my knuckles as they scratched on her inner thighs but i pretended to not notice, I've been trying not to touch her there because I might lose it.

She placed a small peck on my lips and got off me. "My mom will be back in an hour."

I got up without another word, smiled at her then closed the door behind me and i was gone...

**Next day**

At school Zach and Stacy were being hyped up by the whole school for winning king and queen. Apparently that was the best night of their lives... Mine are definitely the first time I ever kissed Bonnie, when i spent all night with Bonnie and yesterday when I was with Bonnie. She must've bewitched me or something because she was all i could think about everyday. I saw her standing in the schools hallway with Amy and Ming. I slung my arm above her shoulders from the back and bent down a bit to reach her lips for a kiss.

"Ian!" she exclaimed as she turned around... "you do notice that you're drawing unnecessary attention by just kissing me in public?"

"Let them stare..." i said as i pulled her by the arm gently. I noticed Amy and Ming staring at me and Bonnie, "Hi, Amy and Ming."

They simply waved at me and they left.

I playfully pulled on her blazer, "Well, since you aren't going to ask me... Yes, Bonnie i think i did fantastically on my exams and yes, i did enjoy them."

"I completely forgot..."she paused," I'm sure you did great. "

" it's the last week of school... What are you planning on doing? "

" Nothing new actually... Just the normal."

" How about we skip school all week and hang out? Nothing serious is gonna be happening all week anyway."

She pursed her lips considering it but also doubtful." As much as that sounds wrong but it's also pretty interesting."

"Ohhw c'mon, meet me at my house later?"

She answered, "I can't... I promised Amy and Ming we'd hang out together. Sorry."

I pouted, "It's okay."

Maya passed and waved at Bonnie, "Sup, virgin."

Bonnie kissed her teeth then whispered, "okay..." she walked away from me without another word.

I was about to go after her but i felt a hand pull me. "Dominic?"

"So... You and the girl official?" he asked as he drank up the last of the water left in his bottle.

I nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"I was just kind of confused because Maya told me you guys..."

"What are you talking about?" I asked totally lost... But then it hit me. I rushed to Maya and grabbed her by the wrist.

"What the hell...?!!" when she turned around and noticed it was me then she suddenly calned down, "Ohhw, Ian... It's you. Don't scare me like that."

"What the...!" i gritted my teeth trying to not cause a scene. "What did you do, Maya?"

"I'm not following..."

"Maya, what did you tell Dominic?"

"Don't worry i just told people that last night we made out that's all... I wasn't  embarrassing Bonnie or anything. Just you for cheating on her. But I'm guessing she'll take the hardest hit considering she's dating you. Obviously everyone in the school expected you to cheat... No surprise in that. But what's funny is that Bonnie expected you to be loyal. "She then pouted," You didn't really think you'd break up with me and I'd let it slid, right?"She then walked away...

I literally didn't know what to do. I went back home and tried calling her like a hundred times but with no luck. I was so furious...

" Mr Clarke... "

" Marianne, please... Not now, I'm not hungry nor thirsty. Just really furious, that's all. Unless you can help me change that... Please let me be." I snapped as i tossed my phone on the couch.