Zain's choice ✔️

30: An old flame

Mira's POV

This particular trial in my life is different from whatever I have gone through in the past.

I am actually a hermit most times when I am not carousing with Esha or Annie. Usually, I don't have friends that I visit often. I will usually visit them when they marry or give birth and that too sparingly.

But still, I realize it is different from being forced to stay home. Yet I survived the first iddah because I really wanted to be alone.

This time around though, I seriously hate the loneliness. I miss him so much it's scaring me. I thought I had begun to care for him. But the deal with Zain is that he is the type of a person that gets to you whether you intend to place him in your heart or not.

He smiles a lot. Couple that with his handsome face, you are definitely in trouble.

He has this way of accenting his voice when he is speaking that makes it linger in hidden corners of your mind, returning when you least expect it and making you feel like dying to hear it again. I feel like I desperately don't want to lose the clear sweetness of it. It's like a permanent recording that you fear will fade away with time.

And Zain, despite his arrogance and ego problems, is quite humble when he wants to be. He is also very sensitive so he worries about your feelings too. It's kind of sweet I its own way.

Maybe it's because I am all alone and I can't stop thinking of him.

But I have never thought it is possible to physically miss someone so badly even though you only just began to love them.

Sometimes, the pain is too much. I hurt for the things I want desperately. It's one of my many flaws.

I hate this vulnerability. I hate the feelings that rush into me when I should be sleeping or when I should be concentrating on something else.

Once, I try helping Marmie cook because I am ashamed that she is always doing the cooking. But I ended up burning the sauce while I zone out thinking of that one time we made cake.

I suddenly feel his presence, watching me intently. I would turn around and I wouldn't see him there and I will realize I am only thinking about him.

It's my first marriage all over again. But this time, with a giant twist. Cox before, I only desperately wanted to matter. But now I know I matter to him and he matters to me too. Except he is sick and I can't reach out to him.

Marmie had collected the knife I have placed on the onion I should be dicing while I froze in thought.

I look over at her with tears in my eyes. I have never seen Marmie worry about me so much that she cannot even hide it. She too had tears in her eyes.

We both look away and I battled with swallowing them back.

Marmie looks at me again and she looks like herself. Her worry concealed. She must be trying hard to make me feel better.

I have swallowed my tears too.

"Don't burn my kitchen! I don't want a new paint!" She glares at me.

I cringed as I stare at the black sauce I should be sautéing.

"Let me wash it out. I am sorry. I don't know what has come over me" I apologize.